


I Wanna Be Yours

by VeryDryWit



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Awkward First Times, Close to Canon, Cute, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, Slice of Life, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2020-10-28 05:21:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20773211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryDryWit/pseuds/VeryDryWit
Summary: Mafuyu and Uenoyama's relationship goes to the next level, Hiiragi is told he has a crush, Akihiko confesses to Haruki... and Ugetsu moves on.If you just watched the anime, just read chapter 1 and 2, otherwise..***Spoilers*** I assume you've read up to chapter 28 in the manga.





	1. Mafuyu's Kiss

Uenoyama Ritsuka walks to school in a daze. He just got permission from his bandmates to date Mafuyu. He’s happy, and his chest feels all fluttery. He’s been trying to keep it together, gotta stay cool. No one at school can suspect that they are… dating? He swallows nervously at that word. Then he sees Mafuyu in the hallway and grunts a deep,

“Oos!”

Mafuyu gives him a little wave, and heads into the classroom next door. Uenoyama looks down at the ground, trying not to think how cute that was. He plows into Itaya, and mumbles,

“Sorry.”

Then goes and lays his head on his desk. Itaya follows him and pleads,

“You gotta play basketball at lunch, Tanaka and that other guy are out sick!”

Ritsuka grumbles,

“Ask Sato-san. I'm supposed to go over some new chords with him at lunch.”

Itaya grins,

“No problem! I’ll convince him hoops are more important than guitars!”

At lunchtime, Itaya forces Uenoyama and Sato to play basketball. Ritsuka finds himself showing off, making some daring shots. Afterwards, Ritsuka collapses against the wall. Mafuyu joins him, looking tired, but happy.

“Uenoyama-kun, are you going to kiss me?”

They are walking out together after school, and there are still a few people around. Ritsuka replies in a panicked voice,

“Huh!? What are you saying? Haruki-san said to keep a low profile!”

Mafuyu looks around the deserted hallway puzzled, and repeats,

“Uenoyama-kun, are you going to kiss me?”

Then Mafuyu gives him that lost puppy look. Ritsuka groans, then repeats,

“Not in public!”

For the next few days, Mafuyu keeps asking the same question. At lunchtime, on the way back home, on the way to band practice… Ritsuka enters the practice studio with a sigh of relief. All he wants to do is to focus on that latest riff…

“Uenoyama-kun, are you going to...”

“YES!!!” yells Ritsuka at the top of his lungs. Akihiko and Haruki both stare at him. Oh crap. He had promised this would not interfere with the band… “I’m, I’m going to write a new song. I need coffee.”

Haruki nods and says helpfully,

“I’ll go get you one from the vending machine. Aki, you want something?”

“Nope.”

Haruki leaves quickly, and Aki bluntly asks,

“Wassup?”

Ritsuka points at Mafuyu and says indignantly,

“He wants… He wants…” and fails to say anything more. Akihiko remarks,

“Sex? That’s pretty normal. You guys are young, you probably want to do it like bunnies.”

“What? No! He keeps asking for a…” then Ritsuka mutters something.

“Blowjob?” asks Akihiko. Mafuyu helps by explaining softly,

“I keep asking for a kiss.”

“AAAAAAAGH” cries out Ritsuka, “He said it out loud!”

Akihiko looks at the two of them thoughtfully, then turns to Mafuyu and says,

“You’ve got your work cut out for you. He’s a total virgin.”

Mafuyu nods, like he’s been given helpful advice. Akihiko continues,

“But you’ve done it with your ex-boyfriend, didn’t you?”

Mafuyu nods again, while Ritsuka pales at that. Haruki comes back in, and hands Ritsuka a coffee drink in a can, remarking,

“You look a little sick. Do you need stomach medicine?”

“I need to play some music,” Ritsuka grumbles, then tunes his guitar. They jam for a while, then take a break. Haruki taps Ritsuka’s guitar and says,

“Uecchi, your playing sounds off. You should go to bed early tonight.”

Ritsuka winces, then quickly packs up his guitar and leaves. Mafuyu hesitates, but doesn’t follow. Haruki adds,

“Is Ueno all right?”

Akihiko responds,

“He’s nervous about doing it with a guy. He shouldn’t be, it’s loads of fun!”

Haruki turns beet red, and says in a strangled voice,

“How... how would you know that?”

“Experience,” Akihiko replies with a smirk. Haruki swallows nervously, and fusses with his bass guitar, not wanting to catch Aki’s eyes.

Ritsuka goes home, feeling like a pot about to boil. He was shocked and excited to learn Mafuyu liked him in a romantic fashion, but the dead boyfriend thing… It still sucks! Mafuyu was obviously completely in love with the guy, and had sex… How is he supposed to compete with that?! Well, maybe he can’t. But he promised a kiss, so he’s gotta come through. Obviously, they need to be cool in public, or at school. They could go to Mafuyu’s home, but that might be too... what’s the word? Attractive? The whole place smells like Mafuyu. Plus it'd be weird to do anything in front of that little white fluff ball, the one with the cat name… Kedama. They should come to his place. But what about his sister? He sends her a text, then does an Internet search on kissing.

The next day, after school, Ritsuka walks quietly with Mafuyu back to his home. He’s not paying attention to his surroundings, instead he’s mentally rehearsing what he’s going to do. They will both sit in the living room, then Ritsuka is going to casually put an arm on the back of the couch. Then he’ll say a compliment, then kiss. He looks up as they arrive at his apartment. Ritsuka opens the door, they take off their shoes, then Ritsuka goes to sit. Unfortunately, Yayoi has left a bunch of dirty clothes on their brown couch. He picks up a black shirt, and a huge pink bra. Mafuyu is looking him with his wide eyes, so he grumbles,

“I have a sister.”

Ritsuka quickly shoves the clothing in a hamper, is about to sit down, but then Mafuyu wanders around the apartment. Ritsuka follows him. Mafuyu examines the calendar on the wall, the clock, the fridge, then he checks out his bedroom, some cds, and even pokes his head quickly into the small bathroom. Why won’t the guy just sit down?!

“Uenoyama-kun, your apartment is nice,” remarks Mafuyu. Ritsuka points to the living room,

“Cool. I… I need to say something. Hey, why don’t we sit on the couch?”

Mafuyu nods agreeably, and sits down. Phew! Finally, now what comes next? Ritsuka sits down next to him, and looks into those hazel brown eyes... and totally forgets the next step.

“Uenoyama-kun, are you okay?”

“...”

Unable to say something, Ritsuka slams his back into the couch in frustration. He closes his eyes, trying to calm down. When he opens his eyes, Mafuyu is extremely close, peering at him. This is it! All he needs to do is move his head a little closer, and they will be kissing. He closes his lips, and is about to move, when he feels lips on his. Mafuyu is kissing him! Then it’s already over. Ritsuka turns his head and Mafuyu asks,

“Was that okay? I’ve been really wanting to kiss you.”

Ritsuka nods. He wants to say more, but doesn’t want his voice to squeak. He reaches over and pats the soft reddish hair in front of him. Finally he manages to utter,

“If you’re good, I’m good.”

Mafuyu goes from the lost puppy look, to a shy smile. It’s just too cute, Ritsuka reaches over and presses his lips on Mafuyu’s again. It feels nice, soft and warm, and he feels himself pressing a little harder, and enjoys as the other mouth opens a bit, and he feels body getting a little heated… Then he hears,

“Mmmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmm...”

Ritsuka backs up quickly, and says without thinking,

“You’re humming?!”

Mafuyu nods, then gives a little smile. He explains,

“You know... I was walking around like a deaf person. Everything seemed gray and colorless, but your guitar… it opened everything up. I could hear all sorts of sounds: screeching tires, the wailing of babies, and so much music... My next song is going to be about you.”

“That’s... neat.”

Neat? Still, Ritsuka takes a deep breath, really pleased about the new song. Then he adds,

“But could you not do it when we’re kissing?”

“Uhuh.”

Ritsuka sits there a moment, wondering what kind of song it’s going to be. A love song?

“Uenoyama-kun, are you going to kiss me again?”

Ritsuka reaches over and kisses Mafuyu, then he hears a key turning in the front door. Ritsuka hears his sister yell,

“Why did you lock the door?! And Aki wasn’t even there…” She looks over at Mafuyu, “Why are you both sitting on either end of the couch like idiots?”

Ritsuka tries to take a deep breath, his heart is pounding at almost being discovered. Then he introduces,

“Sis, you remember my bandmate, Sato Mafuyu. This is my sister, Yayoi.”

Yayoi sits between the two of them, and examines Mafuyu. She tells him,

“You’re the singer in the band. Do you know Akihiko well?”

“Um,” Mafuyu replies noncommittally. Ritsuka stands up and motions to Mafuyu, saying,

“We gotta go – homework stuff.”

Ritsuka quickly puts on his shoes, and walks Mafuyu home. They stand in front of Sato’s door. They both stand there a while, awkwardly, not saying anything.

“Hey...” begins Ritsuka, not sure how to say goodbye. It’s a bit too public to kiss again. Mafuyu waves, then goes in. Ritsuka says loudly,

“ ‘Night!”

The next day at school, Mafuyu looks more lost than usual. Ritsuka waits for some explanation, but the other boy says nothing. At lunchtime, Ritsuka waits in stairwell, but Mafuyu doesn’t show up. After school, Mafuyu leaves early. Ritsuka walks alone to the studio for practice. Mafuyu isn’t there. Ritsuka tunes his guitar, and nods as Akihiko and Haruki arrive. The two are chatting about classes at the university, then Haruki says,

“Let’s get started.”

Ritsuka looks at the door. Haruki adds,

“Mafuyu-chan sent me a text saying he’s not coming – he didn’t send it to you?”

Ritsuka shakes his head. Haruki sighs. Akihiko tells them,

“Practice first. At break, we’ll counsel the lovebird.”

They jam for a while, then Akihiko grabs a cigarette, and motions to Ritsuka to join him. Haruki follows them outside.

“So what happened?” asks Akihiko, lighting his cigarette. Ritsuka replies,

“Nothing… well...”

Then he describes what happened at his apartment. Haruki shakes his head in dismay, and says,

“Mafuyu might be upset about being critiqued about his kissing…”

Ritsuka shrugs, and replies,

“Didn’t seem like it… Seemed like he was waiting for me to say something.”

Akihiko adds,

“Some people really like compliments.” He goes up to Haruki and strokes a lock of blonde hair. “You always have the softest hair, and you always smell good… Hey, you’re using a new shampoo!”

Haruki makes a strange grimace and responds,

“My hairdresser friend gave me a free sample… I can’t believe you’d notice such a thing!” Haruki turns towards Ritsuka, “Maybe you should tell him you like him again. Girls always liked it when I did that.”

Ritsuka frowns for a moment, trying to recall the conversations he’s had with Mafuyu. Then his jaw drops. Haruki adds hesitantly,

“You _did_ tell him that you like him…?”

“I… I don’t think I did,” whispers Ritsuka, sounding horrified. Akihiko chuckles, then laughs loudly. Then he pauses for a moment to say,

“You asked us for permission to date without telling him that...?!”

Then he laughs again. Haruki waves at Akihiko to make him stop.

“Mafuyu-chan might think you’re just trying him out...” Haruki adds worriedly. Ritsuka nods, packs up his gear, and walks to the train, deep in thought.

The next morning, Ritsuka ambushes Mafuyu at his shoe locker.

“So what’s wrong?” demands Ritsuka, trying not to sound angry.

“Mmm?”

“You missed practice. At the studio…?”

“Employee meeting at the concert club I’m working at.”

“Oh. Okay. But I still need to tell you something… Meet me in the stairwell, our usual place, at lunch.” Mafuyu nods, and Ritsuka adds, “The stairwell near the gymnasium where people are playing basketball... where we first met!”

Mafuyu nods again.

At lunchtime, Ritsuka walks as quickly as he can to the stairwell, slowing down as he walks through the basketball court. He waits, standing on the stairs, and keeps checking his phone for the time. Sixteen minutes later, Mafuyu finally comes through the doors.

“Why are you late?!” exclaims Ritsuka. Mafuyu tilts his head, sits down on the stairs and says,

“I forgot my lunch at home. I went to buy yakisoba bread. Want some?”

Now Ritsuka feel stupid for yelling. He sits down as well, and replies more quietly,

“Uh, no thanks. So... uh... I’ve been noticing you seem upset. I think I realized why. So I should say it properly: I like you.”

“Uhuh.”

“I like you in a romantic way,” explains Ritsuka.

“Uhuh.”

“Stop saying ‘uhuh’! Use your words, is this what you wanted to hear?” insists Ritsuka. Mafuyu shakes his head.

“Then what?”

“I thought you were going to ask me to the aquarium,” responds Mafuyu.

“Huh?”

“The other day, Itaya-san talked about going to the aquarium with a girl.”

Ritsuka frowns, trying to remember. Itaya had said something like that lately… They were taking a break from playing basketball, sitting next to the gymnasium wall. Then suddenly it comes back to him. Itaya saying loudly,

“_You’re popular Ueno, you should ask a date to the aquarium! Plus there’s this angry looking fish that looks just like you…”_

Mafuyu is looking at him with wide eyes. Ritsuka rubs his head with his hand, and offers in a defeated tone,

“Yeah, course I’ll take you to the aquarium. But your next song better not have any lyrics about how I look like a fish…”

Mafuyu claps excitedly, then says hopefully,

“Uenoyama-kun, are you going to hold my hand at the aquarium?”

“In public!?” Ritsuka clenches his teeth together in frustration. He grudgingly responds, “I don’t think we’ll be able to, but maybe we can find a spot that’s hidden…” He looks over at Mafuyu’s hands, clasped together in his lap. “How… How are your calluses coming?”

Mafuyu stares at the fingers of his left hand, and shrugs. Ritsuka takes Mafuyu’s left hand with his left, and lightly taps the calloused tips with his right hand. The contact is making him feel all warm and fuzzy. Mafuyu gives him a questioning glance. Ritsuka tells him,

“If anyone sees us, you had a cramp in your chord hand.”

Mafuyu gives him a smile, and closes his eyes. They sit there for the rest of lunchtime, completely forgetting to eat.


	2. The Aquarium

With school and band practice keeping them busy, it’s only weeks later that Ritsuka plans for an outing at the aquarium. The weather is cooling down, there’s a crispness in the air.

Saturday morning, Ritsuka’s phone plays a high-speed guitar solo. He groans, then reaches over with his eyes shut for his phone. He was up late last night, practicing a new song. He turns over, yawns, then bolts upright in the bed. The aquarium! He’s supposed to meet Mafuyu for a date. He grabs a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, then combs his hair. He checks the time, but it’s early, so he gets up to make breakfast. He sets a big bowl of rice with leftover vegetables on the table, grabs a cup of coffee, only to find his sister sitting in his spot eating his food. He snarls at her, but her hair is all tangled and covering her face, and she doesn’t notice. He sighs loudly, and makes himself another bowl of food. Eventually he sits down, and eats, checking his phone every few bites. Yayoi pushes her hair back, yawns, and says,

“Whoa, Rikka, you have a date?!”

“Um... No. I’m meeting a classmate.”

“Crap, you’re a bad liar. Don’t forget to buy condoms... I don’t care what the girl says, she probably wants to jump your bones.”

His sister messes up his hair with her hand, and disappears into her bedroom.

Ritsuka still has a couple hours to kill, so he stops by the convenience store. Akihiko stands behind the counter, bleary-eyed, and demands,

“What are you doing here? You asked for this morning off.”

“Yeah. I just needed some…” Ritsuka glances down the personal body care aisle, “mouthwash.”

Akihiko nods and asks,

“So… how’s it going?”

Ritsuka shrugs and replies,

“Not sure. We hang out at school, we practice with the band, not much has changed.”

“You sure go hard on him in the studio.”

“I don’t care what our relationship is, that’s band stuff. We need to be ready for the next live show.”

“Still haven’t put your paws on him?”

Ritsuka looks away and replies,

“Nah. Ugh – is it obvious?”

Akihiko grimaces and replies,

“I see it, but Haruki doesn’t. What did Haru emphasize again? Communication?”

“Yeah.”

Ritsuka grabs a package of breath freshening gum, pays for it, and heads to the subway station.

He arrives at the regular meeting place, and checks his phone again. Crap, he’s more than an hour early. And he doesn’t have his guitar, so he has nothing to do. He puts in some earbuds, and listens to music. He closes his eyes and disappears into the songs. What feels like hours later, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He takes out his earbuds, and says,

“Hey.”

Mafuyu nods, and asks quietly,

“Have you been waiting long?”

“Nah.”

They walk inside the station, and take a train, then walk a few blocks to the aquarium. They purchase tickets, then as they walk inside, Ritsuka admits,

“I never got why people go on dates to the aquarium…”

Mafuyu doesn’t seem to hear him, and is already pressing his nose up against a giant sheet of glass, watching the fish float by. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter what they do together. There’s something about just being near this guy… Ritsuka isn’t sure what the this guy is _really_ like. Is it grief that makes Mafuyu so spaced out? Or was he always that way?

“I found Kaji-san,” says Mafuyu, pointing to a long fish with an ugly pointy face. Ritsuka imagines the fish with a few piercings, then nods.

“Ugh, better not tell him,” advises Ritsuka. He watches the tank for a minute, then asks, “What next?”

“Penguins.”

Unfortunately, the penguin exhibit is mobbed by people as there’s a feeding show. Mafuyu looks left and right, trying to see through the crowd. Ritsuka takes his arm, and pulls him away, saying,

“We’ll see them later. Let’s explore what’s through here.”

They find another passageway and enter in a tunnel, with a wall of glass on one side where big blobs are floating in the water. It’s dark, slightly illuminated with blue light, and the ground is some kind of display screen. Maple leaves have been computer animated on the ground, and their footsteps make them scatter around. Slow flute music is playing, creating a soft ethereal ambiance. Mafuyu looks around in awe, kicks his feet to make the leaves move, then points at the blobs saying,

“Jellyfish.”

Mafuyu looks up at him. Ritsuka goes from enjoying the moment, to feeling an urgent desire to touch Mafuyu. That sweet and earnest expression seems to pulls his heartstrings to breaking point... He wants to reach over and kiss him, press Mafuyu up against the glass. Instead he backs away, checking the hallway for other people. He whispers,

“Do you want to hold hands?”

Mafuyu looks down and says,

“Haruki-san told me we’re being too obvious. Shall we see the goldfish next?”

“Okay.”

Ritsuka tries to focus on the fish, but the rest of the aquarium is a blur. Just before they leave, Mafuyu gets out his phone, and takes a bunch of pictures. Ritsuka stands there a bit impatiently, wanting to leave.

Once outside, they walk back to the station, and Ritsuka asks,

“Can I walk you home?”

Mafuyu nods, and takes the long way home. Ritsuka notices, but has no complaints. Then out of nowhere, huge drops fall from the sky. Mafuyu continues to walk, but Ritsuka motions for him to run. They arrive panting at Mafuyu’s apartment. Ritsuka asks,

“Why didn’t you want to run?”

“We were going to get wet either way.”

They step inside, and the little white Pomeranian bounces around the entryway. Mafuyu grabs a leash and attaches it, but Ritsuka stops him, saying,

“You… You should take a bath. You get sick easily. I’ll take the, uh, Kedama.”

Mafuyu stands in the hallway, while a Ritsuka grabs the leash and goes back into the rain. The white puffball pulls him along and Ritsuka follows it. He’s not going to think about Mafuyu stripping naked, and then getting all wet. All alone in an empty apartment.

Puffball goes around a few blocks, then prances back up the steps excitedly. Ritsuka knocks on the door, then opens it slowly saying,

“I’m back...”

Mafuyu is toweling his hair dry, and is wearing new dry clothes. Ritsuka mumbles,

“So I better be going…”

Mafuyu counters,

“But you’re all wet… I’ll find some clothes for you.”

Ritsuka stands there, undecided. Mafuyu gives him a little tug, and Ritsuka takes off his shoes. He is given a towel and clothes, then stands in the unfamiliar bathroom. He tells himself,

“Just be quick, don’t think about it.”

He takes a quick shower, dries off, then puts on the unfamiliar clothes. For some reason Mafuyu looks small and vulnerable, but the clothes are only a little bit too short. But now he smells like Mafuyu. As he comes out of the bathroom, he sniffs his own hand.

“Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Just noticing that you have… soap.”

Ritsuka follows Mafuyu into his bedroom. It’s a lot bigger than his, it even has a small table. Mafuyu sits on his knees next to the bed, in a cute way that reminds him of the little white dog. Ritsuka glances up at the ceiling, then says,

“I gotta go.”

Mafuyu blinks a few times, then asks,

“Uenoyama, do you not like my room...?”

Ritsuka glances around, trying to think of an excuse and grumbles,

“Room is fine. It’s…” he can’t think of the word. Communication. He’s supposed to do better at communication. Ritsuka can hear a cool version of himself in a black t-shirt say,

“_Just sit down, talk about music.”_

Then Devil Ritsuka says,

“_Turn the heater on, make Mafuyu take his clothes off!”_

Virgin Ritsuka agrees,

“_I’m for removing clothes.”_

Angel Ritsuka shakes his finger at the Virgin, then Worrywort Ritsuka cuts in and cries,

“_But what if his mother comes home?”_

In his imagination, more and more Ritsukas appear, giving their opinions till it’s just a loud cacophony. Ritsuka can feel his head pounding, and he stands there with a stupid look on his face.

“Uenoyama-kun... Uenoyama-kun...”

Ritsuka suddenly notices a hand waving in front of his face. Mafuyu is looking at him with a concerned look. Ritsuka finally says,

“I… I really want to do this right. But…how long do we wait?”

“Wait for what?” asks Mafuyu.

Crap. Just because Mafuyu wants to kiss him, doesn’t mean he wants more… Ritsuka adds,

“I really want to do stuff with you, you know, it’s just hard holding back in your bedroom.”

“You mean sex?”

Ritsuka wants to scream ‘_Of course sex!!_’, but contains himself, and says,

“Uh, yeah.”

Then something registers in his brain. There’s something about those eyes… He brushes the reddish bangs away from the face, and tries to understand the expression. Mafuyu looks lost and muddled. Emotional Ritsuka says tremulously,

“_He’s going to cry…”_

Then Cautious Ritsuka advises,

“_You should give him more time.”_

Then Mafuyu reaches up and kisses him. All the Ritsukas disappear in a poof of smoke. Since they’ve kissed before, it feels comfortable, except that Ritsuka feels his whole body screaming for more. But his mind is blank. Mafuyu whispers,

“Uenoyama…”

Ritsuka tries to focus. Mafuyu continues,

“We can have sex now. I’m not sure why you wanted to wait…?”

“... ...”

Ritsuka stands there with his jaw open.

“Take your clothes off,” Mafuyu orders quietly.

Ritsuka pulls off his T-shirt, then takes off his pants. Then he pulls his socks off, then stops and stares. Mafuyu is already bare chested, and pulls down his pants and underpants at the same time. Mafuyu skin is pale and smooth, he’s a skinny with a little bit of muscle. And he has a penis, a red one. No, it’s the pubic hair that’s reddish… Ritsuka gulps, this guy is good-looking! Mafuyu tends to hide in his clothes, and it wasn’t obvious he has a good body. No wonder a whole group of girls have crushes on him.

“Uenoyama... … Uenoyama…? … Uenoyama! … Lie down.”

“Huh?”

Mafuyu points to the bed, and Ritsuka lays on his back. Oops, he forgot to take off his underpants. But he doesn’t move. Mafuyu sits on him and waits. Then Mafuyu takes a small plastic thingy, and squirt something up a cute behind. The next thing, Ritsuka’s underwear is pulled down, and Mafuyu tears open a condom packet with his teeth. Mafuyu tilts his head to the side, and Ritsuka feels a finger on his chest, like he’s admiring it. Then Mafuyu gives him a slightly wicked look – whoa – he’s never seen that before... A condom is rolled on, and Ritsuka feels his penis slowly being enveloped. His brain short-circuits. The feeling is amazing, and his body doesn’t last long. Mafuyu cleans up, and Ritsuka continues to lie there, not moving. As his brain slowly starts functioning again,

“That was… That was.”

Mafuyu lays next to him, and covers them both with the bedspread, then says,

“Sorry. Hopefully it will go better next time.”

Next time? They might do this _again_?! How often? Nevermind, they're both naked! Focus on the nakedness.

“Well… I... did I take care of your needs...?” asks Ritsuka awkwardly. Mafuyu turns his back to him, and doesn’t say anything after that.

Ritsuka replays the whole scene over and over again in his head. He hates to ask for advice, but the next time he and Akihiko are alone at the convenience store, he tries to explain the situation.

“He seemed upset. He didn’t say a word to me after that.”

Akihiko raises an eyebrow, and admits,

“Well that’s an unexpected development.”

“What is?”

“He’s quiet and shy in public but in bed... sounds like he’s a dom. A dominant cat.”

“Huh?”

“He’s a _neko_, a bottom, but he likes to boss around his partner.”

“But then… How do I… play him?”

Ritsuka mimes strumming a guitar.

“Play him? Like an instrument?”

Ritsuka nods vigorously, and complains,

“I felt like a newbie who didn’t know how to play a single cord.”

Akihiko leans against the counter, suddenly awash in memories. Those awkward intense first moments with Ugetsu, how his flesh felt burnt afterwards, branded by the other boy’s touch. Ugetsu’s violin music used to drive him mad with jealousy and passion. And yet he’s never thought of Ugetsu as a violin, as an instrument. It’s these damn genius types, they don’t see the world like normal human beings. Akihiko responds,

“You should say, ‘_I would like more foreplay, and let’s discuss the boundaries of submissive play._”

Ritsuka goes home, and lies down on his bed. His whole body is on fire, he tosses and turns fitfully, then he passes out. In his dream, Mafuyu is wearing only leather pants and is singing on stage. Then he cracks the microphone cord like a whip, and forces Ritsuka onto the stage. Everyone in the audience and on stage starts to laugh… then suddenly Ritsuka is wearing a cutesy penguin costume. Then everyone goes silent as a casket appears, carried by several Ritsukas. Inside he sees himself dead, with a black t-shirt saying ‘Virgin’.

Uenoyama is absent for several days, and Mafuyu doesn’t know how to handle it. Every time they fight, have a disagreement… He gets nervous. Uenoyama doesn’t seem like the type to hurt himself in any way, but it doesn’t matter. Finally, Mafuyu sees the familiar dark hair lying on a desk in the class next door. Kasai-chan, the girl with the bob haircut who likes him, is talking to him. Mafuyu sticks his head in, but doesn’t say anything. Kasai-chan puts her hand on the forehead, pushing aside the dark hair. Uenoyama mumbles something.

“Uenoyama-kun!” Mafuyu calls out. The head pops up and a hand waves feebly. Kasai-chan looks over and says,

“He’s been sick, he had a bad cold. You should take care of him, Sato-san.”

Mafuyu stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do. But it’s almost time for class to start, so he simply adds,

“See you at lunch.”

At lunchtime, Uenoyama shows up and lies down on his favorite part of the stairwell. Mafuyu observes him for a moment, then scooches over. Uenoyama doesn’t move. He scooches over more. Uenoyama still doesn’t move. He pats his lap. Uenoyama groans, and moves his head onto Mafuyu’s lap. Mafuyu releases his breath, and strokes the dark hair. He senses the two of them are okay. They stay there quietly for the rest of the lunch hour.

A few days later, Ritsuka invites Mafuyu over to his apartment, since his sister is away for the evening. Ritsuka walks straight to the bedroom, sits on his bed, and says in a robotic voice,

“Kaji-san said I should say I would like more foreplay and let’s discuss the boundaries of submissive play.”

Oops. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned Akihiko.

“Submissive? Uenoyama-kun, I don’t understand…”

“Last time, when we had sex, you weren’t happy.”

Mafuyu nods and says,

“You like me, but you don’t look at me the way Kaji-san looks at Ugetsu-san... You seem like a straight boy.”

“Oh. I guess I don’t know how to label myself… But that matters to you?”

Mafuyu nods again.

“Uh... Why?”

“Coz it means you’re not into my body.”

Ritsuka frowns, thinking about it. Then he shakes his head vigorously, explaining,

“I like your body, I just don’t know what to do with it. I play guitar, I don’t know how to play the violin.” Ritsuka tries to find the words. “Last time, was my first time. It was like I was on stage, and I didn’t know the song, I was blinded by the lights, and... I was naked.”

Mafuyu gives him a puzzled look and responds,

“But I’m not a violin. I’m a guitar, just like you. And you already play guitar.”

Is Mafuyu talking about masturbation? As if the conversation couldn’t get more confusing, Ritsuka takes his own black Telecaster guitar and hands it to Mafuyu. It has a much thinner body, a longer neck – very different from the red Gibson. Mafuyu picks it up, checks the tuning, then plays a few chords.

“I like Yuki’s guitar better.”

Ritsuka pales and says nothing. He feels a knot in his throat. It’s hard to get the words out. But he remembers Mafuyu curled up hugging the Gibson, running away from a school friend, and singing all that heartbreak… He pulls Mafuyu into his arms so he can’t see his face and spits out,

“I can’t bear the idea of holding you in my arms with you wanting someone else!!”

They sit there for a while.

As Ritsuka calms down, he already regrets his outburst. Then he hears a quiet reply,

“I’m not sure if this will help. But mostly I miss my friend, the Yuki I grew up with. I talk to him. I tell him about basketball, playing guitar, and I tell him about you. I told him about this guy I like, who’s really cool and good-looking, and kind…”

“I’m not kind. I keep yelling at you.”

“Uhuh.”

“Uhuh?” repeats Ritsuka.

“Uhuh.”

“You’re supposed to say I’m passionate or something…” grumbles Ritsuka. “I really like you, and when I remember your naked body, it’s mind blowing... the attraction. Your skin... your everything...”

“You want more foreplay?”

Ritsuka shrugs, then nods a bit. Words, he needs more words. He responds,

“I thought there’d be more touching and kissing kind of stuff… You went straight to intercourse.”

There’s a long silence, then Mafuyu confesses,

“I wasn’t sure what to do. You looked like you were in shock, and I thought it was because you didn’t want to do it with a guy. So I wanted to get the most shocking part of it over with, so to see if you could handle it.”

“Oh. It was... good. I don’t mind the anal stuff.”

“And you want to be submissive? What does that mean? You want to be tied up? Spanked?”

Ritsuka closes his eyes, and whispers,

“If that will make you happy. I’ll try it at least once, if that’s the kind of dominant you are.”

“The dominant I am?” repeats Mafuyu, with very wide eyes. “I’ve never done that stuff.”

Crap. Ritsuka wishes he hadn’t listened to Akihiko! He hides his face in his hand, and says,

“Forget I said anything. I’m getting bad advice. Can we just... fool around?”

Mafuyu nods.

They take turns, touching different places, kissing different areas. Mafuyu has really sensitive nipples, any touch there causes a big reaction. It’s a little awkward, but fun, they are both getting aroused. Ritsuka takes a deep breath, then let’s his right hand wander onto Mafuyu’s penis. He can do this, it’s just like… playing his own guitar. Relax, get a rhythm, listen to the feedback… Mafuyu’s voice is making a high-pitched moan, and the body contracts towards him. Mafuyu snuggles with him, and it feels good. Ritsuka is torn, he’d like to do more sexually, but he’s also enjoying cuddling with this warm body. He asks,

“Was that better?”

Mafuyu smiles and nods. There’s so much Ritsuka wishes he could say, all these feelings he’d like to communicate… Maybe in the studio next time, he could play it on his guitar.

“Uenoyama… can I do stuff to you?”

“Only if you call me Ritsuka.”

Mafuyu nods.

“I will call you Ritsuka, Uenoyama-kun.”

Ritsuka frowns, wondering if Mafuyu is messing with him. Mafuyu’s eyes have a devilish glint, and then he finds his body being sucked and licked... Then his brain goes blank, as he drowns in how good it feels. Then he hears,

“There it is. The face of the Uenoyama fish. Cute.”

“Huh?” exclaims Ritsuka, not wanting Mafuyu to stop. Mafuyu grabs his phone, and shows him a picture of a big fat splotchy fish with an angry expression. It looks nothing like him!

“Nuh’uh,” grunts Ritsuka, shaking his head.

“Uhuh,” insists Mafuyu. Ritsuka recognizes that stubborn tone, so he points downward and asks,

“More?”

“Mmm,” responds Mafuyu, placing the fish picture next to the bed and staring at it. Ritsuka moans in frustration. Then he grudgingly says,

“Maybe I look like that when I’m sleeping...”

Mafuyu smiles then places his mouth back on Ritsuka’s body. Oooh. That was definitely a devilish smile. He feels a zing in his body and moans. There's a warm mouth on his penis and he moans. Ritsuka opens his eyes, pulls Mafuyu upwards and examines the face. The cheeks are flushed and the eyes are shining. They kiss and Ritsuka feels a zing across his chest. Maybe Akihiko was right after all, the guy’s a dom. It doesn’t matter though, the more he gets to know Mafuyu, the more Ritsuka is falling in love.


	3. Hiiragi’s Crush

“I hate that guy!” exclaims Hiiragi.

“Which guy?” asks Shizusumi.

“That guy hanging around Mafuyu – the obnoxious guitarist, the _boyfriend_,” explains Hiiragi, saying the last word like it’s disgusting. Shizusumi sighs. They’re walking back home after band practice.

Shizusumi stops at the intersection. He waits to see if Hiiragi is coming to his house. Hiiragi keeps going towards Shizusumi’s house. Shizusumi follows him, listening to the tirade. They go inside, and Hiiragi helps himself to a drink from the fridge. Then they go upstairs to his bedroom, and sit on the floor leaning against the bed.

”… and that’s why Mafuyu should dump him.”

“So you can date him instead?” asks Shizusumi. Hiiragi gives him a shocked look and answers,

“Why would I want to date Uenoyama?!”

“No, not Uenoyama-san – Mafuyu. You’ve had a crush on him for a while.”

“What?! No way!”

Mafuyu's not his type. Although there had been a zing of attraction that one time, when Mafuyu almost kissed Hiiragi, with a devilish smile. Mafuyu may be spaced out in regular life, but he was dynamite in bed according to Yuki. Hiiragi moves his mouth to say more, but no sound is coming out. Shizusumi adds,

“I thought you had a crush on Yuki at one point, you watched him so intently.”

“I… I did not! I mean, I sometimes observed him, them, but… it’s just... it seemed like they were in their own little world, and they had a special connection…”

“They did.”

“Shizu...” Hiiragi says in a pleading tone. Shizusumi leans back, saying nothing. Staring at the ceiling, he says quietly,

“I’m always here for you, and I always will be. But I have feelings too.”

“Feelings? What feelings?”

“Yuki and Mafuyu had each other, and I have you.”

Hiiragi frowns, then explains to himself,

“Oh. Yeah, we’re best friends.”

Shizusumi moves away, then opens a textbook. Hiiragi waits for a moment, then picks up his stuff and leaves.

Hiiragi quickly reaches his own house, then paces around his bedroom. He picks up his phone and says,

“Mafuyu, I... I…”

“...”

“Something’s wrong with Shizusumi!”

“What do you think is wrong?” Mafuyu's voice says.

“Uh... feelings…?”

“Uhuh.”

“What?”

“Uhuh.”

“You can’t just say ‘uhuh’ anymore, Yuki isn’t here to talk for you!”

“...”

“Sorry. Please help me…”

“Shizu-chan is in love with you. He always has been. Yuki thought one day you’d wake up and realize it.”

Hiiragi drops the phone, and stands there, stunned.

At school the next day, Hiiragi keeps glancing over at Shizusumi, wondering if Mafuyu is right. His dark-haired friend is quiet and impassive as usual. After a while, Shizusumi gives him a questioning look. Hiiragi shakes his head, not knowing what to say.

At the end of the school day, Hiiragi rushes outside and waits at their usual spot. Shizusumi doesn’t show up. Hiiragi texts him a few times, then impatiently walks home. Hiiragi texts again, then goes to Shizusumi’s house and waits in his friend’s bedroom. Shizusumi’s mom pokes her head in,

“Hiiragi-chan, would you like some snacks?”

“Oh, no thank you! I’m heading back home.”

Once outside, he walks, without any destination in mind. He finds himself outside Mafuyu’s apartment building. He goes up the steps, then hesitates. What if Mafuyu’s annoying boyfriend is here? He rings the doorbell, then after a while, the door opens and Mafuyu says,

“We’re in the bedroom.”

Crap, the annoying guitarist boyfriend is here. Hiiragi pets the dog, takes off his shoes, and follows Mafuyu back to the bedroom. Uenoyama is sitting on the floor, watching a laptop playing footage of a band. Hiiragi glares at Uenoyama. Uenoyama glares back. There’s another dark-haired guy sitting next to him and Hiiragi exclaims,

“Shizu?”

The dark-haired guy turns around, and greets him with,

“Oh, hey, Hiiragi.”

A whole bunch of emotions swirl around Hiiragi, but he maintains control, and says,

“Can I see you outside?”

Shizusumi nods, and they go out on the landing in front of the apartment. Hiiragi launches with,

“You’re not answering your cell phone! I contacted you like... a dozen times!”

Shizusumi takes out his phone, pushes a few buttons, then agrees,

“Battery is dead.”

“Why are you hanging out with… with that guy!? He’s so annoying...”

Shizusumi is quiet for a while, then asks,

“So what’s wrong?”

Hiiragi doesn't want to explain. But then feeling like he's going to explode, he gives up and whispers,

“Mafuyu said that you were in love with me, and everyone knows it.”

“Who’s everyone?”

“You, Mafuyu, and Yuki.”

“Ah. I guess Yuki’s ghost sees everything.”

“So?” Hiiragi asks impatiently.

“So what?”

“What are your feelings towards me?”

“Hiiragi, you’re my friend. That’s what’s most important to me. Let’s go back in, Mafuyu is going to make snacks.”

Hiiragi follows, still feeling unsettled. It felt better to talk to Shizu though, and he goes to help Mafuyu in the kitchen. Mafuyu hands him a knife and Hiiragi attacks an apple, slicing it into tiny bits. Hiiragi reports,

“Shizu isn’t in love with me. He said he’s my friend.”

“Uhuh,” answers Mafuyu.

“That’s all!” insists Hiiragi.

“Mmm.”

Mafuyu puts some crackers on a plate, then scrapes the apple pieces into a bowl. Hiiragi grabs some sodas, and they head back to the bedroom.

For Hiiragi, life continues as if nothing had happened. He goes to school, practices at the studio, and hangs out at Shizusumi’s house. Shizu acts the same as usual. His friend isn’t staring at him with a gushy expression, stumbling over words, or blushing – stuff Uenoyama dork does with Mafuyu.

A few days later, Hiiragi sees a girl talking to Shizusumi alone in a corner. Hiiragi hides behind a tree, then peeks again. The girl is definitely confessing, the way she’s looking down, blushing. Shizusumi pats her head, then heads towards the tree. Hiiragi leans against the trunk, trying to look nonchalant. Shizusumi announces,

“I’ll be gone tonight, so I won’t see you till tomorrow. Later.”

Hiiragi gapes in shock. Did his friend just get a girlfriend? Hiiragi walks home slowly, and starts to text Shizusumi, then erases the text. He does that several more times. Finally he texts:

– _Text me when you get home._

Around 10 o’clock, there’s a response.

– _I’m home_

Hiiragi dashes out of his home, and runs all the way to his friend’s place. Shizusumi is standing outside, waiting for him. Hiiragi doubles over, panting. Then he asks breathlessly,

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.” Shizusumi gives him a weird look. "Do _you_ have a girlfriend?”

Hiiragi shakes his head, then points in the general direction of Shizusumi’s bedroom. They go inside, and Shizusumi sits on the bed. Hiiragi paces back and forth. Then he suddenly throws his arms around Shizusumi and wails,

“I don’t want you to date anyone else!”

Shizusumi peels his arms off, pushes him back a bit. Afraid of the response, Hiiragi keeps his eyes shut.

“Open your eyes.”

Hiiragi opens one eye and his friend replies,

“Okay.”

Hiiragi remembers sleeping in his friend’s lap, and crying in these very arms. Shizu has great arms, strong from all the drumming. He adds tentatively,

“I think… I think I want to be with you.”

“Okay.”

Didn't Shizu learn the drums because he forced him into the band? Hiiragi says,

“You’ve been in love with me all this time.”

Shizusumi nods. Hiiragi asks,

“Have I been in love with you all this time?”

Shizusumi shrugs, then reaches down and kisses him. It’s sweet, and comfortable – it feels right. Hiiragi places his head on Shizusumi's shoulder and relaxes. They stay that way a while, till Shizusumi says,

“It's late, and you're falling asleep on me.”

“Just ten minutes more."

Twenty minutes later, Shizusumi mumbles,

"It's a school night. You need to go home.”

“Five minutes more.”

About twenty minutes later, Shizusumi's mom opens the door and peeks in. The two boys are completely asleep. She places a blanket on top of them, then turns off the light.


	4. Haruki’s Vacation

One spring day, Haruki is invited to a violin competition by Mafuyu. He’s surprised to see Akihiko come out on stage and play a beautiful intricate piece of music. The piercings are out, he is wearing a suit, and the music is… beautiful. Haruki is transfixed, as if he’s never seen Akihiko before... Somehow, Haruki had always sensed the passion and depth behind the cool, bad boy image. But then… the music is stirring up his heart. It’s too much. Haruki stands up from his concert seat, and leaves without even a glance at Mafuyu.

He goes all the way to the beach, watching the sea, and trying to get a handle on his feelings. Akihiko joins him, and they have an emotional discussion. Then Akihiko drops the bombshell and says,

“_I changed the way I left because I wanted to be a man you deserve!! I love you. Please go out with me.”_

The words keep reverberating in Haruki’s head. A part of him wants to say ‘Too late, I don’t feel that way anymore’. But it isn’t true. His feelings for Akihiko have changed and deepened, from a crush to something Haruki doesn’t want to name. Can he resist Aki? Should he? Haruki hides his face in his hands, not wanting to hear anymore. Even after all that Akihiko has done, Haruki can’t help but reach out and try this again.

“Let’s go back to my place,” Haruki replies. He doesn’t confess anything. After all, Aki has known all along about his feelings. Back at the apartment, Haruki busies himself with chopping vegetables for dinner. His thoughts are racing. Akihiko and the violinist have broken up. Still, Aki has feelings for that guy – will always have feelings for that guy. Isn’t that what Mafuyu was singing about? Mafuyu will always love his previous boyfriend, and yet, had to let go and move forward with Uenoyama. Haruki glances over at Akihiko, who is tapping a rhythm with some chopsticks on the table. The drummer immediately stops, and places the chopsticks on the table, looking embarrassed. Akihiko, who’s always cool and composed, is looking uncertain because of Haruki? It just doesn’t seem possible. Haruki brings two plates of rice and curried vegetables over to the table, then sits down.

“_Itadakimasu_,” they say together. After a few bites, Akihiko remarks politely,

“It’s delicious, thank you.”

Haruki nods and continues to eat silently. Akihiko plays with his food, then says,

“Are we gonna talk about this?”

“Oh... sure. But not now. I need... some time.”

Akihiko nods and grimaces a bit, then says,

“Of course. My confession was… it wasn’t supposed to go like that.”

The truth is… Haruki is in shock. He doesn’t feel anything right now. He’s mechanically eating his food, and pretending this is a normal situation. Somehow, it was easier to watch Akihiko from a distance. He never realized how unnerving it would be for Akihiko to actually want _him_. After dinner, Akihiko stands up, and leans towards Haruki, then stops. Then he reaches over to pat Haruki’s head, then stops and lightly taps the forearm. Haruki’s head slowly rotates towards him like a robot.

“You’re leaving?” asks Haruki. Akihiko nods, and responds,

“I... I’ll let you be. See ya tomorrow.”

The next day in the studio, Haruki can’t bring himself to look at Akihiko. Mafuyu seems to notice, and watches them in that weird spaced out way of his. Luckily Uenoyama is oblivious and is ranting,

“I don’t like that new chord progression.”

“Hiiragi liked it…” responds Mafuyu.

“Well, I don’t like Hiiragi either! From now on, all ugly chord progressions will be called Hiiragis!”

“Let’s go smoke a cigarette,” announces Akihiko. Haruki waves his hand and replies,

“Oh... no thanks, I’m quitting.”

Akihiko replies,

“I’ll quit too.” Akihiko motions to the door and insists, “I’ll buy you gum.”

Haruki nods and follows Akihiko outside. Akihiko runs across the street to a convenience store, then hands him some gum. They sit against the wall, chewing. Haruki sits there, looking anywhere but at Akihiko. Then he hears,

“Do I have a chance?”

“Huh?” exclaims Haruki .

“Do I have a chance with you?” asks Akihiko. Haruki takes a deep breath, then replies,

“Oh. Yes, of course...”

There’s a weird prickly feeling on the right side of his face, and he realizes Akihiko is staring at him. Haruki continues,

“Let’s wait to tell Uecchi...”

Akihiko’s face gets closer, and he feels warm lips, a small pressure where the lip ring is, and he gulps. His body starts to burn, from that one little contact… Akihiko whispers in his ear,

“Don’t worry, we’ll take it slow.”

Haruki grimaces, but says nothing. He’s just swallowed his gum.

They return to the studio, but before going inside, Akihiko gives him a goofy smile. Haruki feels like he can’t breathe, and wants to kiss Akihiko again, when he hears a voice say,

“Hey, Akihiko-san.”

Akihiko answers,

“Yayoi-san. How’s it going?”

“I need to talk to Rikka. Is he in the studio?”

Akihiko nods, and opens the door for Yayoi, and keeps it open for Haruki. This is awkward. They enter the studio and Yayoi says,

“Rikka, give me some money.”

“Whoa, why?” demands Uenoyama. She growls,

“Just lend it to me!!”

Uenoyama gives her an irritated look, then shows her an empty wallet. Haruki grabs his own wallet and hands her a few bills, saying,

“Here.”

Yayoi looks conflicted, and takes the money reluctantly. She insists,

“I’ll pay you back. I’ll give the money to my useless brother.”

She gives Akihiko a pointed look, then quickly leaves. Uenoyama stretches and grumbles,

“What was that about?”

Without thinking, Haruki replies,

“She needs feminine supplies.”

Uenoyama groans, Mafuyu looks baffled, and Akihiko asks,

“How did you know that?”

“Uh... I have a sister,” Haruki answers evasively.

For a few days, Haruki barely sees Akihiko. He gets several apologetic texts, something about a final project. Then they meet for lunch, and chat about mundane things. Haruki finds himself staring at Akihiko’s face, then looking away. Akihiko asks,

“Why do you keep looking away?”

“Huh? Oh...” Haruki feels his cheeks getting hot. “I like your face. But I feel silly gazing at you like a groupie.”

“I like it.”

It’s a sweet response, but Haruki wonders when they’ll have sex. He hasn’t had sex in forever. And he’s definitely never done it with a guy…

“Oh, okay,” Haruki finally acknowledges. He feels a warm hand on his, underneath the table. He squeezes the hand and smiles.

The next day, Haruki is cleaning mugs at the cafe, and sighs. He needs to tell Uenoyama about dating Akihiko. Oh no, he shouldn’t be thinking about Aki... The mental image of that face scrambles his brain. The door to the café opens, Yatake comes in, and says,

“Hey!”

“Oh hey... how are you?” Haruki asks.

“I’m fine… but you’ve just wiped the same mug three times. Is something going on?”

“Uh... yes. Some band stuff… but it’s a... private matter, so I can’t talk about it…” shares Haruki with a groan. Mafuyu knows. He must know… Otherwise why is that kid always giving him a spooky I can read your mind look?

“Well, here. I did a promotional video for a hot springs, and they sent me some coupons for a free stay this weekend. I can’t go, I’m organizing a mini tour for my band.”

Yatake hands him a few glossy tickets. Haruki caresses them like a wonderful treasure.

“Take-chan! You’re such an amazing friend, I don’t know how to thank you…!”

“It’s selfish on my part. I want to encourage your band any way I can.”

Yatake waves goodbye and leaves.

Haruki examines the tickets again, pulls out his phone and texts Akihiko:

– _Would you be interested in a vacation at a premier inn? _

Too formal, sound like an advertisement. He erases it and starts again:

– _Wanna come with me at an inn?_

Sounds dirty, he erases it.

– _I happened to get some onsen tickets, you’re welcome to tag along..._

Too casual... oops, he pressed send. He watches his phone, waiting for a response. Nothing. Eventually he hides the phone to help some customers.

Saturday, Haruki takes time off from work, and texts the band members he’s leaving. He’s packing a car, when Akihiko shows up with a bag. Haruki asks,

“Hey, does that mean you’re going?”

“Yep.”

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! On vacation with Akihiko? In his mind, he pictures them walking together along a quaint old-fashioned street, feeding each other with chopsticks, sitting in the hot springs… Sitting in the hot springs?! He might see Akihiko naked? Haruki turns around, puts his hands on his face, trying to hide the burning flush consuming his body. He opens up the trunk, and Akihiko places his bag in there. Then two more bags are thrown in. He looks up and sees Uenoyama and Mafuyu.

“Hey,” says Uenoyama, while Mafuyu gives a little wave. Haruki protests,

“I said I was going on vacation to a hot spring, I never invited you two…”

“I invited them, I’ll pay for them,” explains Akihiko. Akihiko just stands there, Uenoyama looks away in discomfort. Mafuyu gives him a pleading wide-eyes of a sad little puppy. Haruki groans and looks away in defeat, while motioning to get into the car.

“I actually have four tickets,” confesses Haruki. They all hop in and Uenoyama says formally,

“Thank you very much for taking us.”

Mafuyu quickly repeats,

“Thank you very much for taking us.”

Then Akihiko repeats,

“Thank you very… ow!”

Haruki jabs him with a finger. They drive off. Akihiko takes over streaming music for the car. The playlist goes from old British rock, to jazz, to Chopin. Haruki notices Mafuyu’s face in the rearview mirror, he seems enraptured. Then Mafuyu asks,

“Kaji-san, what kind of violin pieces do you like to play?”

Haruki frowns, Aki is sometimes touchy about the subject of violin. Akihiko grunts and says,

“Mozart adagio for violin and orchestra in E major.”

A slow and sweet piece plays, it doesn’t match the rough looking drummer. Haruki feels his heart skip a beat remembering Akihiko playing the violin at the competition. The guy next to him is still a mystery, a mystery he’d like to know better. Yikes, he shouldn’t be thinking about this, he needs to focus on the road. The piece of music ends and Mafuyu says,

“That’s pretty, but I really like the stuff Ugetsu-san plays… like Bach...”

Haruki checks Mafuyu in the rearview mirror, feeling a stab of jealousy at that name. Uenoyama looks grumpy as well.

“Bach - _Partita No. 2, Chaconne_,” says Akihiko, then adding, “It’s one of the longest and most difficult violin pieces. The jagged chords, the unease and subsequent joy of resolution... It’s difficult to get the tempo right.”

Another violin piece begins, a sort of wailing sound – sometimes soft, sometimes loud, never peaceful. Haruki finds himself gripping the steering wheel too tight, disturbed by the music. He wants to turn it off. He turns to Akihiko and asks,

“Would you play something else…”

But Akihiko pats his head, and raises a finger mouthing,

“Just a bit longer.”

The music continues for too long. Afterwards, the silence is a relief. Uenoyama says,

“That was disturbing.”

Akihiko explains,

“Some say Bach arrived home, only to learn his wife had died three days prior. And then he composed this. The story may not be true – but it feels true, when you listen to the music.”

Mafuyu looks close to tears. Uenoyama pulls him into his shoulder and hugs him close. Haruki sighs. This is not the vacation he was hoping for… Akihiko taps his phone, and a lighthearted J pop song plays, one of Haruki’s favorites. The song is musically simplistic and has a catchy refrain. Haruki sings along, then glances over at Akihiko. Akihiko smiles knowingly. Haruki turns pink, then focuses again on the road.

About an hour later, they arrive at the traditional Japanese inn. Haruki examines everything in delight: the traditional woodwork, the tatami floors, and the innkeeper dressed in kimono. They are shown two small rooms next to each other, and are given yukata to wear. Haruki grabs Uenoyama and pulls him into one room, pushing Akihiko and Mafuyu into the other. Uenoyama looks nonplussed. Haruki begins,

“Uh… I need to tell you something... about Aki.”

Uenoyama looks uncomfortable and replies,

“Yeah, I’m not too thrilled with Mafuyu spending so much time with Akihiko. He’s over at his roommate’s place, Ugetsu, a lot. I shouldn’t be jealous - but I don’t like it!”

Haruki nods and reassures him with,

“I don’t think there’s anything between him and Mafuyu.”

“Yeah, well, he better keep his paws off the Gibson, and stick to his own instrument.”

The Gibson? Mafuyu plays a red Gibson… Haruki frowns, then realizes Mafuyu _is_ the Gibson. Just to check, Haruki asks,

“Is anyone else interested in playing a black Telecaster?”

Uenoyama shudders and replies,

“Of course not.”

Uenoyama changes into his yukata, while Haruki begins again,

“So about dating within the band…”

Uenoyama puts up his hand, and replies,

“Yeah, yeah, it’s not ideal. But Mafuyu's a good singer, he’s got a feel for music… I still think it’s worth putting up with us.”

Uenoyama slides open the door, and adds with a bow,

“Thank you very much.”

Haruki puts his hand to his head, and sighs.

Meanwhile in the other room, Akihiko and Mafuyu change into their cotton yukatas. Akihiko asks,

“How’s it going with Uecchi?”

“Mm, okay. It'd be better if you didn’t tell him I’m some kind of male dominatrix.”

“Sorry, sorry. Just sounded like you were ordering him around – that’s fine if you both like it.”

“Mmm.”

“What’s bothering you?”

“There’s something lacking.”

“Sounds like you had quite a history with your previous boyfriend, it must be difficult for Uecchi to compare.”

“I’m not comparing Uenoyama to Yuki. I’m comparing Uenoyama to Uenoyama. When he’s on stage, he’s so…” Mafuyu looks upwards and says, “energetic and wild.”

Akihiko grimaces, then replies,

“Argh. Look, I’m not saying there aren’t any parallels between music and sex, but performing on stage and performing in bed are not the same thing.”

Mafuyu stares at him. Akihiko shrugs and adds,

“I don’t know, ask Haru.”

The four of them have dinner together. Haruki shakes his index finger at them and insists,

“No talking about music and no talking about sex!”

There’s a long silence at the table. Eventually, Akihiko asks,

“How are things at the cafe?”

“Fine.”

There’s another silence. Haruki asks,

“How are things at the high school?”

Uenoyama shrugs, and looks over at Mafuyu who nods. Uenoyama answers,

“Fine.”

There’s another long silence. Haruki sighs, then relents,

“All right, we can talk about music…”

They talk about various bands, upcoming live shows, and discuss the new phone controlled effects pedal. Akihiko drinks a bit, then goes to the restroom. Uenoyama joins him. Once they are gone, Mafuyu asks,

“Do you think sex is like playing guitar?”

Haruki groans, then responds,

“I said no talking about sex.”

“I’m talking about music,” Mafuyu replies innocently.

Akihiko and Uenoyama come back, and Mafuyu hums a bar, then Uenoyama and Mafuyu say at the same time,

“Arctic Monkeys!”

They stare at each other, their cheeks flushed. Forgetting his surroundings, Uenoyama reaches over and kisses Mafuyu. Haruki glares at them, then jabs Akihiko, wanting him to castigate the two. Instead Akihiko says,

“Take-san, how’s it going?”

Haruki turns around, and blanches at seeing Yatake. Yatake is staring at Uenoyama and Mafuyu. The two quickly separate – Haruki jumps up, and plants his lips on Yatake. Yatake throws his arms out in dismay and backs up.

“What the heck?!” exclaims Yatake. Akihiko gives Yatake a sour look and replies,

“Uenoyama is going to Paris. He’s practicing his French greetings.”

“That’s not how they greet people there!” protests Yatake. Akihiko nods, and pulls Haruki closer, and says,

“Yeah, it’s more like this.”

Akihiko kisses Haruki’s right cheek, then left cheek, causing Haruki to turn a deep red. Mafuyu watches them with wide eyes, then repeats,

“Like this?”

Mafuyu gets up and kisses Akihiko’s right cheek, then left cheek. Everyone stares at him, including the guests in the dining room.

“But he... he did it on the lips...” insists Yatake.

“That’s a London kiss,” explains Mafuyu, “Have you been to London?”

“Uh... no. Haruki-san, a word outside?”

They go outside the inn, and Haruki shuffles around uncomfortably, then pleads,

“I’m sorry I kissed you, this has just been a weird trip…”

Yatake shrugs, raising one hand to his head in embarrassment,

“It’s okay. I’ve never kissed a guy, but you’re probably the cutest one, so… That came out wrong. We’re friends, we’re fine. You’ve been bummed out lately, and I was driving by – I was just checking you’re okay.”

Haruki shrugs, then chuckles a bit.

“It’s kind of a circus with my band members, but we’re close… Sometimes when we jam, the chemistry is unbelievable…”

“Well, you’re a bit too close, for my comfort. You all need to get girlfriends. Good night!”

Haruki returns to the table and reports,

“He believed your ridiculous story. But Uecchi, I’ve warned you several times about public displays of affection. This is not just about you, the whole band is at risk…” He turns to Akihiko and says, “Aki, make them understand!”

Akihiko nods, and tells them,

“No hugging at the beach, no kissing near doorways, no holding hands under the table at cafes…”

Haruki bites his lip, realizing those are things he’s done lately with Aki. He glares at Akihiko, while the high schoolers apologize once again.

Meanwhile, Yatake goes out to the parking lot, gets in the car and says,

“Sorry, we aren’t staying at this inn after all.”

“Haruki-san is using all four tickets?” Yayoi checks.

“Yep. Your brother and Mafuyu are here.”

“Like some weird double date? Have they even acknowledged they’re dating?” she exclaims.

“Nope, none of them. As if I wouldn’t realize! They must think I’m a complete idiot,” complains Yatake, rubbing his lips. Yayoi asks,

“So what now?”

“I’ll bring you here some other time. Let’s drive back to my place.”

After dinner, the four band members walk down the hallways to the bedrooms. Ritsuka grabs Mafuyu and pulls him into a room. Mafuyu sits next to a wall, checking something on his phone. Ritsuka looks at the futon on the floor, then at Mafuyu in the yukata. Traditional Japanese clothes makes him look even cuter somehow. He asks,

“Are you coming to bed?”

Mafuyu nods. Ritsuka lies down for a moment in his yukata, then gets up again, antsy from the long car drive. Mafuyu puts his phone down, stands up and says,

“It feels like you’re playing the Gibson too softly, you’re worried the strings will break.”

Ritsuka grimaces, then nods, saying,

“Yeah.”

“So…”

“I’ll be a bit more firm.”

Mafuyu gets up close to him, and says earnestly,

“No. Go all out... like on the Telecaster.”

Uenoyama hesitates for a moment, then presses Mafuyu against the nearest wall. He shoves a knee in between Mafuyu’s legs, and assaults Mafuyu’s mouth letting all his need pour out. Mafuyu wraps his arms around his neck pressing him closer. Then Uenoyama whispers,

“Like that?”

“Uhuh!” answers Mafuyu with a small smile.

In the room next door, Haruki can hear some soft moaning. Haruki covers his ears. Akihiko remarks,

“It sounds like the sex is getting better, they’re groaning in unison.”

“I don’t want to hear this… I don’t want to even know about this!” complains Haruki.

“What’s this?”

“Uh... a Gibson and a Telecaster getting on together.”

“Ah. You’ve been talking to Uecchi. Mafuyu says his finger dexterity is really good,” adds Akihiko. Haruki blushes and responds,

“I’m going to soak in the hot springs.”

“I’ll go with you. Don’t worry, they’re young, they won’t last long.”

The night is dark, there’s only a sliver of the moon in the sky. Mossy boulders surround the steaming water, and no one else around. Haruki shivers, then remarks,

“It’s cold.” Then he turns to Akihiko and asks, “Would you turn away, till I’m in the water?”

Akihiko nods. Haruki peels off his cotton robe, quickly washes, then squeals as he gets into the very hot water. Akihiko soon joins him. Haruki glances at the muscled body next to him and wow... no wonder he’s so popular. Aki leans back and watches the sky.

“Not the vacation I was imagining,” says Haruki.

“That’s my fault, sorry,” replies Akihiko

“It’s okay. We need our two lovebirds happy to keep the band together. And it’s nice to be waited on, I enjoyed the break from my grumpy coffee customers.”

Akihiko smiles, and replies in wonderment,

“You’re the most positive person I know. I hope I don’t mess this up.”

Haruki hesitates, then asks,

“Is it different dating a man versus a woman?”

Akihiko responds,

“Women are softer, men are harder.”

“Is that all?”

“Men talk about themselves, women talk more about others.”

Haruki exhales loudly, then asks,

“What I’m trying to say is – do you have a preference?”

“Yeah. I like it when my heart is involved.”

“Ah.”

“Haru... What do you really want to know?”

“The two of us... it doesn’t feel real yet... 'coz we haven’t had sex. When I invited you to the hot springs, I was hoping for a romantic getaway.”

“You did? Crap, and I invited the kids!” Akihiko splashes the water with his hand in irritation. Then asks, “You still want that?”

Haruki looks away for a moment, then admits,

“Yes, but we can’t make any noise. I tried to tell Ueno twice about us and it went sideways.”

Akihiko pulls himself out of the hot water, puts on his robe, and brings the other robe to Haruki. Haruki is pleased, yet still uncomfortable with these attentive actions.

Back in the room, Haruki fusses with the futon, then runs into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He takes a deep breath, and tells himself in the mirror,

“This is it. Time to see if reality can live up to fantasy.”

He returns to the room, and sees Akihiko lounging on the futon, still wearing his yukata. Haruki sits down on the futon, and reaches over tentatively, letting his hand caress Akihiko’s arm. Aki asks,

“You okay?”

Haruki nods.

“I’m okay, just a bit nervous. I’ve never done this with a guy…”

“Feel free to tell me stop, or slow down.” Akihiko lies down and adds, “Kiss me.”

Haruki reaches down, and lets their lips graze against each other. There is a slight catch of the lip ring, then he can feel their mouths explore one another, their tongues slightly touching. His right hand reaches down and touches bare chest. His hand explores inside the robe. Haruki checks,

“Do you want me to take the lead?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I want… the passionate Aki, the one who can’t keep this hands off of me. Although, maybe you don’t feel that way about me…”

Aki pulls his face in, and ardently kisses him. Haruki can feel little tremors going up his spine, and he falls backwards as Akihiko pins his arms down.

“Aargh, sorry. I get aggressive…” apologizes Akihiko, releasing his arms. Haruki licks his lips, and says rather breathlessly,

“I kind of like it. With girls, I have to do all the work…”

Akihiko says quietly,

“I attacked you once. Even if you forgive me for it, I can’t.”

Haruki reaches up towards Akihiko’s face, then starts to tremble. His voice catches as he confides,

“I’m not afraid you’ll hurt me physically... I’m scared of the crazy feelings I get when I’m with you.”

Akihiko kisses him, and caresses his cheek.

“I feel that way too.”

Akihiko pulls off his robe, then kisses Haruki’s chest, spending some time licking each nipple. Then Haruki feels a hot mouth on his erection, and grabs both sheets at the intensity of it. The pleasurable sucking, the feeling of the little metal ball on the tongue being passed over the opening...

“AKI!!” he moans, as his body spasms. He holds on tightly, then kisses Akihiko. He starts to stroke Aki’s member, and soon holds both of their cocks together, rubbing up and down, til they are both gasping.

Akihiko lays on top of him for a while, till Haruki forces him over to the side, explaining,

“You’re heavy, you’re bigger than I am,” remarks Haruki.

“Am I? I haven’t measured...”

“I meant your general body, not your penis size.” Haruki shoves him playfully. His body seems thin and weak in comparison. “Do you like my body?”

“Yeah. I peeked at the hot springs. I’ve always been surprised you don’t have more groupies.”

“They compare me to you. I should have gotten an ugly drummer.”

Akihiko laughs, and gives him another kiss. Haruki sighs contentedly and snuggles closer.

“Aki… When did you fall in love with me?”

Akihiko caresses Haruki’s hair and replies,

“I realized it while I was freeloading at your apartment. But I I needed to get my life in order before I confessed to you. The first time I fell in love... it was like a flood, with you, it was like a drip drip drip of a faucet that slowly fills a huge tank.”

“A dripping faucet?” repeats Haruki. He complains, “You’re a great musician, but a terrible poet. I’m glad you’re not writing the lyrics to our love songs.”

“Okay, you do better. When did you fall in love with me?”

“It was autumn… I saw you from afar, you seemed angry, or mean. Yet I felt drawn to you… I started growing my hair out for you.”

“You look good with long hair, but I like it short too.” Akihiko croons in deep voice, “I greeeew my haaaaaaaaaair for yoooooooooooooooooou!”

Haruki pins Akihiko’s arms down, and threatens,

“I am _so_ going to punish you for that…”

“And I am going to _so_ enjoy it, Haru, my love...”

Haruki feels his face flush and kisses Akihiko.

Ritsuka and Mafuyu are lying side-by-side, Ritsuka caressing Mafuyu’s hair. There’s an rhythmic muffled sound coming from next-door.

“It sounds like Haruki-san is finally getting what he wants,” remarks Mafuyu. Ritsuka responds,

“Huh? What does Haruki-san want?”

“What we all want. To be shown he’s loved.”

“But the only one with Haruki-san is Kaji-san...” Mafuyu gives him a look. Ritsuka says, “Oh.”

Ritsuka thinks for a moment, then admits,

“Um... Mafuyu... I think I love you...”

“I know.”

“And…”

“And what?”

Ritsuka gives him a frustrated look.

“I love you too, Rikka.”

Ritsuka bolts up, and points at Mafuyu.

“You’ve never said that before!”

“Mmm, you’re right, I don’t think I’ve said I love you before…”

“And you’ve never called me Rikka!”

Ritsuka collapses on the futon, and lays there in shock. Mafuyu sits on top of him, and tilts his head.

“Rikka... Rikka... Uenoyama-kun!”

“Huh?”

“Let’s go to the hot springs.”

“Uh, no thanks...”

Mafuyu puts on his yukata, and waits for Ritsuka to be ready. Ritsuka complains,

“You’re stubborn and bossy...”

Mafuyu stares at him, and Ritsuka adds,

“... fine, fine. Just give me another kiss before we go.”

“Just one?”

“Uhuh...”

Ritsuka gives Mafuyu a long kiss, then holds him tight, wanting to remember the moment.


	5. Akihiko’s Boyfriend

The next morning, Haruki wakes up, finding it hard to breathe. He opens his eyes and sees Akihiko’s head on his chest, like a lead weight. He pushes the head over a bit, and snuggles in again. He feels strong arms squeeze him, then he hears,

“Is it starting to feel real now?”

“No. Feels like a dream… the best dream ever...” replies Haruki. Akihiko nods, then closes his eyes, and murmurs,

“I didn’t know love could be like this…”

Haruki waits for more, then complains,

“You can’t say stuff like that and not explain!”

“I feel happy.”

Haruki gives him a puzzled look. Akihiko continues,

“Being with you is friendly, fun... feels like I’m walking on air. You touch me and I feel bubbly inside... before it was all dark and twisty.”

“I sound like marshmallows, or champagne. You’re more like... hard alcohol.”

“The best part though is watching your face when you come, it’s so expressive.”

Haruki feels his face burn, especially since Akihiko is caressing his cheek with one hand, while the other hand is moving further down. Haruki gulps, as his whole body comes alive again…

Haruki and Akihiko wake up after ten o’clock, and end up paying a fee for late checkout. Back in the car, Haruki keeps his eyes on the road, avoiding Akihiko’s gaze. Last night was good... and Aki keeps grinning like an idiot... Haruki feels like his face is perpetually burning. From the back seat, Uenoyama says,

“Hey, you wanted to talk about dating within the band?”

“Oh, yeah… as I was trying to say yesterday…” begins Haruki, then Akihiko butts in,

“Haru and I are dating. Don’t tell anyone. We should stop for coffee.”

Uenoyama pales and turns to Mafuyu, who pats his head to comfort him.

Haruki drops everyone off, then goes to his apartment. He nervously cleans the place. Akihiko said he’d be over later tonight… The doorbell rings. Haruki runs over, takes a deep breath, and tries to open the door calmly. Then he exclaims,

“Take-chan?”

Yatake grimaces and responds,

“Once again, you’re not happy to see me…”

“That’s not true, I’m just surprised. Please come in.”

Haruki makes a pot of coffee, then hands Yatake a cup. Yatake asks,

“So… what’s going on with you and Kaji? You were finally over him, then he moved out…”

Haruki holds his head with his hands, and confides,

“He… He confessed to me. He broke up with his boyfriend, and got his own place, he’s on track to graduate...”

"… and he stopped sleeping around. So you guys went on a double date?”

“Double date? I… What?!” exclaims Haruki, suddenly looking up. Yatake adds,

“Yeah, I know about your guitarists dating. I’m dating Uenoyama’s sister, remember?”

Haruki replies sheepishly,

“Sorry, sorry, I should’ve told you... I'm sorry again for kissing you…”

Yatake grins. Haruki continues,

“But with Akihiko, this isn’t just a crush now. While we were roommates – we really got to know one another.”

“Well… Kaji isn’t my favorite person, but Take-san is on your side!”

“Thanks, Take-chan.”

“So... I heard Kaji had a boyfriend, do you know him?”

“I’ve heard of him. Murata Ugetsu, a classical violinist who does concerts all around the world. Some kind of genius... and dark, and gorgeous.”

“Wow. I still don’t understand the appeal… to me, Kaji isn’t that good-looking. Not my type!” Yatake says jokingly. Haruki shrugs and asks,

“So how’s it going with Yayoi-san?”

“Good... I think. She’s not like other girls, but I like that.”

Yatake leaves. Haruki goes online, and stares at a photo of Ugetsu. Then he clicks on a few buttons, then grimaces, feeling foolish. He just bought a ticket for a violin concert.

Ugetsu lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling. The concrete basement seems empty without the drum set, without the extra violin, without that one ugly coffee mug in the cupboard. He hears a knock at the door and checks the time. Ugetsu opens the door saying,

“You’re surprisingly punctual.”

The redhead kid hands him a plastic bento meal and replies,

“Uhuh.”

Ugetsu takes the meal, and plops on the bed on his stomach. He opens the plastic lid saying,

“Get me chopsticks.”

Mafuyu grabs some and offers them. Then the kid sits down, and digs through Ugetsu’s music collection. Ugetsu remarks,

“At one point, I thought you had a crush on me. But I don’t think you’d give someone you like expired food.”

“My boyfriend works at a convenience store – he gets them for free.”

“Your boyfriend, the lead guitarist?”

“Uhuh.”

“Do you really love him? Or do you just love his music?”

Mafuyu stares out into space for a moment, then replies,

“Both. The music is a part of him. He’s shy about sex, and usually talks in musical metaphors.”

“That’s weird.”

“Were you able to separate Akihiko from his music?”  
“No. But our relationship was a mess.” Ugetsu eats a few more bites. “How is Akihiko getting on with his bassist?”

“Mmm.”

“Damn. It must be going well, or you’d tell me about it.”

“Every time I talk about Yuki, someone gets hurt. Usually me,” explains Mafuyu.

“Then play some music instead.”

Mafuyu puts a CD into the sound system and says,

“Vivaldi, _The Four Seasons_, tell me about it…”

Ugetsu lays back on his bed, lights a cigarette, and narrates,

“It starts with spring, nature waking up, after a cold snowy winter…”

And the sound of violins fills the room.

A couple of weeks later, Ugetsu plays a concert of Brahms with the Tokyo City Symphony. He takes a bow, the house lights turn on, and he sees a familiar blond head in the audience. A wave of emotion crashes over him, and he quickly exits towards the backstage bathrooms. He bumps into a taller dark-haired man.

“Beg your pardon, are you all right?” says the man.

“Leave me alone!” insists Ugetsu.

“Oh... bad day...?”

Ugetsu waves at him to go away. The other man stares at him. Ugetsu stares back. The man’s hair is symmetrically parted in the middle and perfectly combed. He’s wearing glasses and the black suit of an orchestra member – yet he feels like an accountant.

“What instrument do you play?” asks Ugetsu.

“I’m Mori Kenichi, I play the _fagotto_...” replies the other man.

“Mm?”

“The bassoon in English. _F__agotto _is the Italian name for the same instrument, in Spanish it is _fagot_, which means a bundle of sticks. But I only play one stick...”

The man stops talking and bites his lip.

“_Un basson en français_,” adds Ugetsu.

“Oh... yes.”

“You seem nervous,” Ugetsu remarks, glad to be distracted from his feelings.

“Oh... I’ve been hoping to meet you... but it wasn’t supposed to be in the restroom.”

“Well, you’ve met me. Now what?”

“Um... would you like to have a late dinner at my apartment?”

Ugetsu tilts his head, considering the proposition. The guy isn’t bad looking, nice face, but not his type. Still, sex will make him forget about the evening. He splashes some water on his face, then nods.

They take a train, then arrive at a block of apartments. They go up a stairwell and reach a landing. The other guys stops, and seems alarmed. Ugetsu gets close, puts his hand on the guy's perfect hair, and messes it up. He waits to see if the other guy makes a move. Mori freezes and suddenly confesses,

“I think I gave you the wrong idea. I’m in a relationship, I’m not... uh...”

Ugetsu gives an exasperated sigh. The guy is probably straight and curious, but got cold feet. He replies,

“Fine. Call me a taxi, I’ll wait.”

He crosses his arms, and leans against the building, irritated. Mori says in an apologetic tone,

“Of course. Come in for a moment, you shouldn’t wait in the cold.”

Mori unlocks the door, opens it and yells,

“I’m home! And I have a visitor…”

“Ken-san, if you don’t mind, I have family at my place,” explains an older lady, shuffling by them. Mori says,

“Of course, of course, I’ll put him to bed.”

“Nice to meet you,” she says as she leaves in a hurry, waving to the two of them. They enter a tiny apartment and take off their shoes, and Mori says loudly,

“It’s okay, come on out…”

A little kid comes out with his head down.

“Haruki-chan... This is Murata Ugetsu, he’s a violinist.”

A kid? Ugetsu completely misread the situation. He bows and says,

“Nice to meet you. I have to go, have a lovely dinner.”

“Oh, but, wait, Murata-san...” says Mori. But Ugetsu quickly puts on his shoes and leaves.

Ugetsu goes home, trying to hold back the tears. He’d been preparing himself to see Akihiko again, yet was stunned to see the new boyfriend in the audience. Haruki Yama-something. The hurt, the pain, the frustration and loss boils over, and he reaches over and throws a plate onto the floor. It makes a loud crashing noise. In a frenzy, he pulls down the rest of the plates all at once. Then he grabs a bottle of wine, and collapses on the bed.

The next few weeks, Ugetsu performs in Vienna, but when he gets back, he finds the broken dishes still on the floor. That means Akihiko hasn’t been here. Ugetsu knew after the last live concert that the relationship was finally over. It’s a relief, like pulling out a blade out of his stomach... except now the wound won’t stop bleeding.

He goes on a drinking binge, and passes out for a few days. When he wakes up, there are dozens of missed calls and voicemails. Ugetsu calls back,

“Okayasu sensei, how may I help you?”

“Murata-san, by not showing up to the concert, you angered some very important people!”

“Ah, of course. I’m sorry, I was sick and feverish. Please send my regrets and apologies.”

“Not good enough. In penance, an important donor wants you to perform at an elementary school.”

“Ugh, no, I don’t like noisy brats.”

“I’m sending you the details. Do it, or find yourself blacklisted here in Tokyo.”

Crap. Tokyo has eight full-time orchestras – that would really be bad for his career. Ugetsu makes himself some coffee, then forces himself to eat some leftover rice. He showers and get cleaned up, and takes a train to the elementary school.

At the school, Ugetsu presents himself to the principal. Then he waits. Eventually he’s shown to the stage auditorium, and waits for the place to fill up with chattering kids. Ugetsu sighs. This is a total waste of time. He considers playing Bach’s _Partita 2, Chaconne,_ a difficult emotional piece that would annoy and bore the children. Instead he plays some light Mozart, 12 Variations on _‘Ah vous dirai-je, Maman’_, more widely known as the tune to _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star_. The teachers seem pleased. The kids are barely paying attention, fidgeting in their seats. Except for a boy in the corner. That boy is mesmerized by the music. Ugetsu can always tell when someone has a deep passion for music, there’s an intensity that most people never experience, except maybe during sex. Ugetsu finishes the variation, and gives a short bow. The kids clap loudly, happy that it’s time for recess outside. A few older girls come up with pieces of paper to be signed, giggling 'coz they think he’s cute. As soon as he can, Ugetsu walks over to where the boy is still sitting. He asks,

“Do you play music?”

The boy nods.

“What instrument do you play?”

The boy points to the violin.

“Good. Keep playing. And take care of your hands, don’t let them get hurt.”

The boy nods again, then a teacher comes up and says,

“Go outside and play with the others.”

The school director introduces Ugetsu to each faculty member, which seems to take forever. It’s always the same questions: How long have you played violin? How young did you start? How many hours do you practice? Eventually, Ugetsu excuses himself, and searches for a restroom. He can’t find the adult restroom and ends up in small stall with a tiny toilet. Then he hears several kids come in, and the sound of a quick scuffle.

“Pon-chan, you’re a freak!”

“Ha ha, look at his face!”

Then some muffled cries. The bullies called the kid junk. Ugetsu comes out of the stall, and recognizes the quiet boy who likes music.

“Did they do any damage?” Ugetsu asks softly. The boy lifts his shirt, and shows a red scrape. Ugetsu nods, then the boy shyly puts out his hands. The tiny hands are smooth and pretty.

“You protected your hands. Good work.”

Ugetsu stands there for a moment not knowing what to do. Then he waves goodbye and leaves.

That night, Ugetsu performs in a classical music cafe. Afterwards, he signs a few autographs, and goes out a side door. A taller man with glasses intercepts him,

“Murata-san! May I have a word?”

The glasses look familiar… the straight accountant guy. Ugetsu nods and replies,

“Oh, uh, I suppose. I’ve forgotten your name, you play the bassoon.”

“Mori, Mori Kenichi. There’s a small bar close to here, let’s go there.”

They sit down on some stools in a small empty place, and order some beers. Mori says,

“You met my child, Haruki.”

Ugetsu flinches at the name. Mori looks dismayed, and asks,

“You don’t like kids?”

Ugetsu shakes his head. Then he adds,

“Not really, but it’s not your kid. My boyfriend left me for a bassist named Haruki. The night we met, I saw my ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend in the audience. I suppose I should wish them well.”

“Oh. You did seem upset that night. The thing is... would you come to my home and listen to my child play the violin?”

Ugetsu shakes his head, and insists,

“I don’t do favors. I just wanted a one night stand.”

“Still…” Mori stands up, and bows extremely low. “Please make an exception for us.”

Ugetsu purses his lips, wanting to go home. Mori looks ups at him pleadingly, like a wide eyed puppy. Ugetsu raises a hand and insists,

“Just this once. And you better make me dinner.”

Ugetsu follows Mori, already regretting his decision. Seeing the apartment building, he excuses himself,

“I’m not good with kids…”

Mori grabs his hand and begs,

“Please…”

Ugetsu follows reluctantly, Mori releases the hand. They go up the stairs and enter the small space.

“I’m home! Haru-chan, I’ve brought a guest.”

Ugetsu checks the time, wondering how long this is going to take. He notices a _Hello Kitty_ trashbin in the cluttered kitchen. The little boy comes out again, and his eyes get wide. Ugetsu nods at him, and the boy puts out his hands. Ugetsu frowns, then realizes it’s the same child from the school today: the boy who likes music.

“Oh, hi. Your father said I should hear you play,” Ugetsu says. The child disappears, and Ugetsu tells Mori,

“I played at your boy’s school today.”

Mori nods and responds,

“Haruki told me. You helped him at school, that really means so much to me. He heard you play, he wanted to reciprocate…”

The child comes back with a small violin. Ugetsu sits down, and motions to start. A simple, lilting melody comes out. The attack is solid, the fingering precise, but more than that, Ugetsu watches the child sway with the melody, obviously deeply in love with the music. Afterwards, Ugetsu smiles, Haruki smiles back. The child grabs a cloth, and wipes his violin carefully before putting it back into its case. Ugetsu asks,

“Who’s he studying with?”

“His grandfather. He was a violinist,” explains Mori. Haruki points to a large case.

“Papa, your turn.”

Mori takes out his bassoon, and plays a short little waltz that ends with a long fart noise. Ugetsu listens stunned, while Haruki giggles. Then Mori sees Ugetsu’s face, and starts to laugh. Finally, Ugetsu smiles, then suddenly laughs as well.

Mori serves dinner on a tiny low table: rice omelets decorated with little hearts in ketchup, and apple slices cut to look like bunnies. Ugetsu gives Mori an incredulous look.

“Not elegant enough for you?” inquires Mori, amused again at Ugetsu’s expression. Ugetsu points out,

“My omelet has fewer hearts on it…”

Haruki carefully counts the little blobs of ketchup, then nods. The boy offers his own omelet to Ugetsu, who refuses,

“No, no. It’s all right. It’s normal for fathers to love their kid more than anyone else.”

Mori gives him a sharp look, seeming to pick up on the word ‘_normal’ _ .

“My dad cooks good, no?”

Ugetsu takes a bite and replies,

“Yes, it’s... yummy.”

Haruki devours his food, then lays his head on the table. They finish eating, then Mori picks up the sleeping kid in his arms, and disappears into another room. Mori returns and explains,

“He gets bullied at school, and often doesn’t finish his lunch.”

“Where’s his mother?”

“She left. She never cared much about me, or our child.”

Ugetsu finishes his omelet, then says,

“I should go. I’ve been bad this week, I need to do better.”

Ugetsu puts on his shoes, commenting,

“Haruki-chan has potential. I hope he sticks with it.”

Mori nods, opens the front door and says,

“Thank you very much for indulging us. You’ve no idea how much meeting a famous violinist means to my son. We’re in your debt.”

“There’s no need. Thanks for the... _ cute _ meal. Good night.”

Ugetsu waves, then walks towards the steps. Mori comes out onto the landing and offers,

“Um... if you ever need a friend...”

Ugetsu waves again, and goes down the steps. He doesn’t need a straight friend with a kid. Luckily, Mori never shared his phone number. That way, he won’t hear from him again.


	6. Ugetsu’s Tour

About a week later, Ugetsu meets Okayasu sensei at a rehearsal studio. Okayasu greets him with,

“A very rich donor has a kid who’s a bassoonist. He’s fronting the money for the two of you to join my chamber music tour, as a duet.”

“Funny, I’m suddenly popular with bassoonists. No one does duets with a bassoon.”

“Paganini’s _ Duet for Violin and Bassoon #2 _ ,” replies Okayasu, holding up two fingers.

“Sensei, I know I messed up, but I played at that elementary school. Why do I have to do you _ another _ favor?”

“It’s only seven weekends, Murata-san. I need funding for my tour. Ten other musicians are depending on us. Now smile, be polite.”

A short Japanese woman shows up carrying an almost 5 foot bassoon.

“Suda Chie, pleased to meet you,” she mumbles towards the floor. She seems shy and uncomfortable. Ugetsu introduces himself, trying to hide his impatience.

The first rehearsal goes badly. Ugetsu critiques the young woman’s technique, and she ends up in tears. Okayasu sensei tries to smooth things over, then glares at Ugetsu. The next day, the girl doesn’t show up. The following day, Okayasu sensei demands,

“You better be as sweet and charming as possible!”

The door opens, and Ugetsu goes over with a deep bow saying,

“I’m grateful you came. I apologize for my previous conduct.”

“Oh. Happy to see you again, Murata-san,” says a male voice. Ugetsu recognizes Mori Kenichi.

“Mori-san? What are you doing here?”

“Um... Suda-san begged me, I mean requested, I take her place.”

Okayasu sensei groans, and exclaims,

“There goes our funding!”

Mori shakes his head, and explains,

“No. Suda-san will be performing a duet with concert pianist Rentaro Tsuji, instead.”

Okayasu sensei repeats,

“Rentaro Tsuji? He’s quiet and easy going. Good, let’s start rehearsing.”

Ugetsu takes out his violin, while Mori sits on a chair, soaks a reed, and assembles his instrument.

Ugetsu begins playing, but Mori is a tenth of a second behind. They start again. Somehow, they can’t stay synchronized… Ugetsu sighs loudly, irritated. Okayasu sensei intervenes,

“Murata-san, you’re like a wild animal, doing whatever you want. Listen to your partner. Mori-san, you’re used to being invisible, blending into the orchestra. Be more assertive here. Once again.”

They begin the piece, over and over again. Ugetsu feels frustrated, but Mori seems calm, even though sweat is pouring down his brow. Eventually, Okayasu sensei ends the rehearsal.

Afterwards, Ugetsu asks Mori,

“Who’s going to look after Haruki-chan while you’re on tour?”

“His grandfather. Haruki doesn’t like staying with him, but was excited I’d be playing with you... It’s rare that bassoons get a starring musical role.”

“Mm. Just don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

“Why would I expect that?” inquires Mori, looking puzzled. Ugetsu responds,

“You seem friendly with the rich bassoon girl.”

“Suda-san? I’ve met her at a few bassoon workshops. She won’t give me any preferential treatment.”

The first city on the tour is Osaka, and the dozen members of the chamber tour arrive at a luxurious hotel. Mori looks around nervously, then whispers to Ugetsu,

“Are these accommodations paid for by our tour?”

Ugetsu nods and responds,

“Usually.”

At the front desk, the receptionist informs them,

“I have a reservations for Mori Kenichi, already paid for. Unfortunately, I don’t a reservation for you, Murata-san. I’m afraid the hotel is all booked up – would you like me to search for another accommodation?”

Mori responds quickly,

“No, no, he’ll stay with me.”

Ugetsu rolls his eyes, then nods.

They enter a room with two double beds and a spectacular view of Osaka. Ugetsu grumbles,

“No preferential treatment, huh?”

Mori looks embarrassed and replies,

“I’m sorry. She did say you were overbearing and demanding. She’s not used to that kind of treatment.”

“And you are?”

“My wife was from an important musical family, but I’m not. My family runs a batting center.”

“Batting?”

“Hitting baseballs in a cage.”

Lounging on one bed, Ugetsu watches Mori do calisthenics in his pajamas, press his suit for the evening concert, and fold his clothes in a little pile next to his bed. Then the bassoonist arranges some vitamins and a coffee cup for the next morning. Ugetsu remarks,

“You’re so wholesome, it’s sickening. I bet you were student body president.”

“Class president, _ iinchoo _ .”

Mori opens a prepackaged noodle cup, and heats it in the microwave.

“Would you like one?”

Ugetsu shrugs, then nods. They sit at the table, waiting for the noodles to cook.

“So... tell me about your ex-boyfriend,” begins Mori, obviously curious.

“Oh...” Ugetsu responds doubtfully, not knowing what to say. He remembers random images: fighting, in bed, playing the violin… there’s no coherent story. Thinking about Akihiko makes him want to smoke. He takes out a pack of cigarettes, pulls one out and replies,

“He smokes cigarettes. A lot.”

“You can’t smoke near me,” insists Mori apologetically. Ugetsu glances at the bassoon and replies,

“Right, you play a wind instrument.”

He puts away the cigarette reluctantly, and taps his lips with his finger.

“And that’s why you two broke up?” continues Mori.

“No. It was… I loved him, but... I treated him badly.”

“Ah.”

“Why did your wife leave you?” asks Ugetsu.

“She said I was boring, and too nice. I did everything to please her... cooked, cleaned, changed diapers...”

“You were being a doormat.”

“Oh ouch... I suppose that’s true. I was young.”

Tinny violin music plays, Mori answers his phone,

“Hello!... Pandas… Grandpa took you to see pandas?... Oh... yeah... how big was it?.... 50 ducks! That’s big!...”

Eventually Mori hangs up, with a big grin on his face. Ugetsu can’t help smiling in return, and asks,

“How old are you, anyway?”

“Much older than you… twenty-six.”

“Oh, younger than I thought.”

“Thanks… I guess,” replies Mori. “Haruki was an accident, we were forced to get married.”

“He’s lucky to have you – you’re a good dad.”

The next evening, Ugetsu and Mori have their first performance. They stay in sync, yet Mori makes some fingering mistakes. As they leave the concert hall, Ugetsu considers critiquing their performance, but Mori already seems distracted and disappointed.

Back at the hotel room, Mori studies the sheet music, frowning in concentration.

“Mori… When did you decide to become a musician?”

“In high school. I played various wind instruments, then I joined a youth orchestra that needed a bassoonist. I didn’t want to work at my family’s business, and I had no other interests. But I’ve been thinking I should apply to a regular company.”

“Quit music?! Why?” exclaims Ugetsu.

“For my kid. I mostly work evenings and weekends, and I don’t make much money. The only thing saving me is my wife’s father is teaching Haruki’s violin lessons. But if my son gets good enough to be accepted at a music academy…”

Mori gives him a worried look. Ugetsu asks,

“Don’t you love music?”

“Huh? Oh... I’m a little confused by the word love. We use the same word for loving our child, loving a lover, loving a dessert, or loving music… I’m not sure you loved your ex-boyfriend.”

“I didn’t? How’s that?”

“To me, love is affection, wanting to care and put someone above and beyond our own selfish desires. Maybe you felt strong emotions – I just wouldn’t call that love,” explains Mori. Ugetsu shrugs, and comments,

“By that account, I don’t love music. I put it above everything else, but for my own selfish reasons.”

“Is it enough for you to play music? Or do you need an audience?”

“I’m fond of applause, like most performers. Make me some food again,” Ugetsu asks petulantly.

“No.”

“No? I thought you were the always helpful and accommodating type.”

“I recognize brattiness. I’m only nice if you behave.”

Ugetsu stands up, and examines the papers on the table. Then he asks,

“Why are you still looking at the sheet music? Haven’t you memorized it?”

“No… You have it memorized? My breathing was off, maybe I should change where I breathe... This is nerve-racking, usually the orchestra hides any mistakes I make.”

Ugetsu leans over him and points to several places.

“Based on what I’ve heard of your breathing... here, here and here.”

Mori removes his glasses and wipes them. Ugetsu is standing a little too close, and he examines the face, much cuter without the glasses. Ugetsu feels a tension between them, and he’s tempted to caress those lips… But Mori puts the glasses back on, and marks the spots that Ugetsu has pointed to.

“Um... tough, but doable... Have you played a wind instrument?”

“No. But I know what sounds good.”

A tinny violin sounds, and Mori quickly answers his phone,

“Haru-chan? Are you okay?” He listens for a moment. “No, I can’t take you to see the pandas right now... no, no, you’re right… playing with a genius is super, I’m learning a lot… Take care, talk to you soon.”

“So I’m a genius?”

“A musical one… though I suspect you’re a terrible cook...”

“Oh... yeah. I can cook rice...”

Mori grabs his cell phone, checks something, then shows Ugetsu,

“Rice balls that look like pandas... these are adorable! Haruki will love them!”

Ugetsu looks at him in disbelief, and mutters,

“You’re much too excited by this... You should be a kindergarten teacher.”

They perform a second night in Osaka, then travel back to Tokyo by train. They sit next to one another, and spend most of their time discussing conductors, favorite artists, and composers. Mori explains,

“Bach is comforting, and beautiful…”

Ugetsu counters,

“Beetho was more innovative, had intellectual depth.”

“Beethoven is more intense... like you. First time I saw you, you seemed elegant and jaded...”

“It’s traveling around the world. I’ve been doing it since I was little, mostly Europe.”

“But then I heard you play. The emotion... I was so touched.”

Mori turns away. Ugetsu changes the subject and asks,

“Do you ever wish you’d chosen a different instrument?”

Kenichi shakes his head, and responds

“No, my instrument has a rich and complex sound, and a 3 1/2 octave range. Though most of the time, I’m just given a boring bass line. What about you?”

“I can’t imagine playing anything else but the violin. I’d go crazy, if I couldn’t express my emotions through my instrument…” muses Ugetsu, caressing his violin case.

The next weekend, they travel together to Kobe. Once again, Ugetsu has no hotel reservation, Mori insists Ugetsu stay with him. Their performance is a bit better, but Ugetsu’s mood is worse. Feeling destructive, he goes online to the _ Given _Instagram account, and looks at images of the band. Mafuyu is right, Akihiko is happy. In many shots, Aki is looking at his bassist, not the camera. And the bassist is grinning... Ugetsu slams his laptop shut, then grabs several sake bottles from the minibar. Then he takes a hot bath.

“Murata-san... Murata-san!”

Ugetsu wakes up, uncomfortably passed out in the corner of the tub.

“What?”

“Murata-san? You’ve been in there too long…” says a muffled voice through the door.

“I’m getting out.”

He steps out of the tub, and massages his neck. Overheated, he steps into the bedroom, and fans himself. Mori gapes at him, then turns away.

“Um... Murata-san? Would you put some clothes on?”

“I’m too hot,” complains Ugetsu, lying on one of the beds. “Just pretend we’re at a hot springs.”

For the rest of the weekend, Ugetsu throws his clothes on the floor, leaves trash lying around, and complains if Mori makes any noise.

When they meet in the next city of Kyoto, Mori tells him,

“You need to get your own hotel room.”

“I’m behaving too much like a brat again?”

“Yes, probably because you’re depressed. We all have emotions, Murata-san. You can share them with me, but you can’t dump them on me.”

Mori gets his room key, and leaves him in the reception area. Ugetsu waits in line for another room, then gives up and goes upstairs. He knocks on Mori’s door, and the door opens. Ugetsu begins,

“Akihiko and I met in high school...”

Mori observes him for a moment, then opens the door and lets him in.

Ugetsu tells Mori everything he can remember about meeting Akihiko, playing the violin with him, and their relationship. He’s never told anyone all these details, not even Mafuyu. His face feels wet with tears, and Mori hugs him. He’s not sure how long he stays in that warm embrace, but eventually he pulls away, and Mori hands him a handkerchief.

Ugetsu lies on the bed, while Mori sits next to him propped up against the pillow. Ugetsu continues,

“Akihiko loved my music, but hated my genius... I couldn’t never let myself shine in front of him, and every success abroad made him more jealous… yet he understood me and loved me, and I didn’t want to let him go… So I tried to drive him away.”

Mori says nothing, but simply places a hand on his arm.

“Kenichi, there’s something more... sometimes we fought... and I became enraged... I hit him... and I hate myself for doing it.” Ugetsu buries his head in his hands. “I can’t trust myself... I’ve been dating people I find only a bit attractive, not anyone I really like, so there’s no emotions... so I can’t hurt anyone.” Then he whispers, “I’m a horrible person.”

Ugetsu feels a hand stroke his hair. Then Mori responds,

“You both were hurting – you lashed out in pain, and you regret it. Do you know about resonant frequency?”

“Mm.”

“When two objects resonate at the same frequency, it amplifies. Like when a singer sings the right pitch and it shatters a glass. You two happened to resonate to each other’s pain.”

“So I’m only attracted to people who are hurting?” asks Ugetsu. Mori responds,

“If your heartstrings only have one pitch… Could you replace your heartstrings…?” Mori puts a hand up, and looks embarrassed. “Sorry, that’s not helpful.”

“That’s what Mafuyu did… his boyfriend literally replaced the strings on his guitar. And then they fell in love. But, no one goes near my violin. Except my luthier, Imai sensei.”

“Could you date him?”

“He’s 72.”

“Oh, then maybe not. Have you ever talked to Akihiko about how you feel?”

“No. It was… It was as if we’d hurt too much, if we really talked.”

They stay there silently for a while, then Mori says,

“Murata-san...”

“My name is Ugetsu.”

“What would you like to eat, Ugetsu?”

“Kyoto style sushi, Kenichi.”

Mori smiles, in a way that makes his eyes sparkle. Ugetsu blinks several times, surprised at the transformation. Ugetsu tells him,

“Wear something nice.”

Mori changes in the restroom and comes back wearing a white button up shirt, black slacks, hair symmetrically parted in the middle.

Ugetsu reaches over and musses the hair, and says,

“Lets go.”

They find a small restaurant, the kind that’s been around for generations, and squeeze on to some stools. Kenichi is recounting a story about his orchestra, and Ugetsu finds himself examining the other man’s hands. Like many musicians, Kenichi has long elegant fingers, with perfectly manicured fingernails. He leans on his head on his hand, and smiles.

In Hiroshima, Ugetsu and Kenichi’s performance hits a groove. Ugetsu can feel the ebb and flow between the two instruments, and enjoys the experience.

The next morning in the hotel room, they take care of their instruments, Kenichi does his calisthenics, while Ugetsu surfs his phone. Ugetsu glances over as Kenichi bends over in a stretch. The bassoonist has a nice behind, and Ugetsu wonders what the rest of the body looks like. After breakfast, Mori’s phone rings while Mori is in the bath. Ugetsu knocks on the bathroom door and says,

“It’s Haruki, shall I bring your phone in?”

“Uh... yes, please.”

Ugetsu comes in, and sees that Mori has put a washcloth over his private parts. Ugetsu hands him the phone and comments,

“Hiding things makes them more intriguing, doesn’t it?”

Mori turns pink, grabs his phone, and answers it,

“No, Haru-chan, it’s not a bad time…”

Mori takes another look, and smiles a little. Nice. Those silly calisthenics are doing a good job.

On the train to Fukuoka, Kenichi sits next to Ugetsu, and shows his phone excitedly.

“What is it?” Ugetsu asks. Kenichi explains,

“My first good review. Read it!”

“... his rich tones were soft and even, his passage work liquid and delicate, filled with a calm modesty against a virtuoso romp that was messy and screechy.”

“Oops. I didn’t read the end,” apologizes Kenichi, cringing at Ugetsu’s face.

“I don’t read reviews,” responds Ugetsu with a yawn. Kenichi nods, chastised. Ugetsu continues, “Still, the reviewer was right about you. You create a lovely tone on the bassoon.”

Kenichi grins and says,

“That means a lot, coming from you.”

In Sendai, Kenichi keeps checking his phone, and looking worried. Ugetsu asks,

“Something wrong?”

“Haruki hasn’t called. I’ve left him several messages… It’s his birthday... maybe I should go back home…?”

Ugetsu checks the train schedule to Tokyo: two hours one way, four hours round-trip. He says,

“We’d better catch the next train, or we won’t make it back in time for the performance.”

“You’re coming?” Kenichi inquires, surprised.

“I’ll keep you company, maybe... check my houseplants.”

“Oh, you have houseplants?”

“No. I travel too much.”

They arrive in Tokyo, stop at store, then walk to an upscale apartment complex. The doorman calls them in, and they take the elevator to an apartment. Kenichi thrusts a stuffed animal into his arms, then hides. A gray haired man in slacks and sweater answers the door,

“Hello?”

“Murata Ugetsu, pleased to meet you,” greets Ugetsu, bowing while holding the giant panda.

“Fujise Masayoshi, I’m Haruki’s grandfather.”

There’s a giggle behind him, then Mori jumps out, with his arms out.

“Papa!”

Haruki runs over and jumps into his father’s arms. They whisper for a bit, then Mori apologizes,

“I need to see something in his room…”

Ugetsu says,

“Your panda...”

Haruki runs off, pulling his father by the arm. The older man gestures for him to enter the spacious living room. Ugetsu places the panda on the couch and sits back. Ugetsu gets the distinct impression he’s being evaluated.

“I finally meet the popular violinist,” says Fujise.

“Ah. I’ve been told you used to play violin,” responds Ugetsu.

“I played second violin with the Tokyo Philharmonic. I never had your talent, but I had a respectable career.”

There’s a silence, then Fujise adds,

“I’m the one who sent you to Haruki’s school, and I recruited you for the chamber music tour.”

“I thought Sado-san’s father organized that…?”

“Sado-san’s father is a friend of mine.”

“Why this interest in my career?”

“Kenichi is a good boy, devoted to my grandson, but he doesn’t live enough… At my age, one realizes how important it is to make memories, even ones that are painful.”

Ugetsu nods, not knowing what else to say.

Kenichi comes out a few minutes later, gives Haruki a big hug, then hands over the giant panda. They leave, and Kenichi walks slowly, apparently down.

“Everything okay?” inquires Ugetsu. Kenichi nods and replies,

“Haruki broke his phone. It’ll be expensive to replace. And I have mixed feelings about this tour… musically I’m really enjoying it…”

“But you miss your kid. Haruki seems fine. Let’s hurry, the train leaves soon.”

They board the train for Sendai, and sit quietly. Ugetsu notices Kenichi is listening to music with earbuds. He points to the ears, and Kenichi puts one in Ugetsu’s ear.

“Daníel Bjarnason, an Icelandic composer. It’s haunting and disturbing.”

Ugetsu closes his eyes, and listens a bit. Then he taps a rhythm on Kenichi’s hand. Then it happens. A random moment in time with no particular meaning, but Ugetsu feels something shift within him. He’s not sure what it means, but he leans back and takes a deep breath.

They make it back to Sendai with minutes to spare. They run to their hotel room, then run to the performance hall. Before going on stage, Kenichi is still buttoning his cuffs, and Ugetsu straightens Kenichi’s white bow tie. Suda passes by them, carrying her bassoon. She remarks to Kenichi,

“You’re being too obvious.”

Kenichi stiffens at the criticism, while Ugetsu tells her,

“Obviously, we’re late. We went to Tokyo for his kid’s birthday.”

“Oh. Of course,” Suda replies, looking disconcerted. Kenichi smiles a little, and they prepare to go on stage.

That night, the music flows between them like never before... Ugetsu sways with the music, forgetting about technique, losing himself in the sounds... The applause brings him back to reality, and Ugetsu bows towards Kenichi first, then the audience. Kenichi stands up, looking a bit dazed. He bows towards the audience, then looks at Ugetsu in awe.

In the hotel room, Kenichi rambles,

“That was quite an experience... I’ve never had a musical experience like that… Do you often have performances like that?”

Ugetsu doesn’t reply. He’s pent up, as if that playing was foreplay that didn’t lead anywhere. He wishes Akihiko were here to forcefully take him... Aki understood how music made him feel. He glances at Kenichi, and sees the other man watching him. Kenichi reaches out like he’s going to caress Ugetsu’s face, then the arm drops. Ugetsu takes the hand and brings it to his cheek. The hand feels warm. Kenichi gets closer, takes off his glasses, then tilts Ugetsu’s head up and kisses him. It feels good, soft, yet firm, and very arousing... Ugetsu molds his body into Ken’s, hoping for more. But the other man backs away, and Ugetsu groans in frustration.

“Go take a bath,” recommends Kenichi. Tired from the long train ride, and feeling a headache coming on, Ugetsu says crossly,

“You’re confusing.”

“We’ll talk afterwards.”

Ugetsu takes a long shower, letting the hot water relax him. He finally comes out, and Kenichi disappears into the bathroom, and Ugetsu hears the sound of the shower. Ugetsu gets into bed, and waits, tapping his lips while craving a cigarette. Kenichi finally reappears, already in pajamas.

“Are you attracted to men?” Ugetsu asks point blank. Kenichi gets into bed, turns off the light and replies,

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Why are you surprised? I asked you out.”

“I thought you were straight...” Like a flash, Ugetsu understands. He recalls, “That first night, you were planning to have sex with me… but then…”

“I saw the lights on in my apartment. My son was home early.”

“Have you ever been with a guy?” continues Ugetsu. Kenichi nods.

“Yes. After my wife left me, I had some encounters, from a local bar.”

“Is that why your wife left?”

“Maybe. She never said so, but I think she found gay porn on my phone.”

“Then why refuse me?”

Kenichi stays silent for a while. Then he finally says,

“My first responsibility is to my kid. I can’t afford any distractions.”

Ugetsu falls asleep, and dreams about a panda with glasses, playing the bassoon.


	7. Ugetsu’s Friend

The final weekend performance is in Yokohama. The city’s convention center is hosting a weekend of concerts, competitions, and parties. Ugetsu walks into a banquet hall, and searches for something to eat. There’s a familiar figure near the buffet, and Ugetsu stops in his tracks. It’s Akihiko. The brawny blonde is wearing a suit and has taken out his piercings, looking like when they first met. Akihiko is on his phone and grinning while saying,

“I did good. Did you miss me?” Then he laughs and says, “I’ll see you soon.”

The grin disappears and Akihiko says,

“Ugetsu. Did you hear me play?”

Ugetsu had forgotten how deep Akihiko’s voice is... Ugetsu shakes his head, and replies,

“We just arrived. Kaji Akihiko meet Mori Kenichi, my bassoonist.”

Akihiko puts out his hand, and Kenichi shakes it without making eye contact. Kenichi excuses himself,

“I’ll let you two talk. Pleasure to meet you.”

Kenichi leaves quickly, and Akihiko says,

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

There’s a silence, then Ugetsu adds,

“After all that, I guess we’re no longer friends. Enjoy the buffet.”

Ugetsu grabs a plate, and fills it. Then he checks the crowd for Kenichi, and finds him in a group of woodwind players.

“Did you hear Klaus Thunemann...”

“... virtuosic agility and vivacity...”

Ugetsu waves to Kenichi. Kenichi excuses himself from the group, then asks,

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, but it’s different now… as if we’re strangers,” Ugetsu reports. He munches on a roll, and offers his plate to Kenichi. They stand there quietly and eat.

That evening in Yokohama is their last performance together. The music is familiar, the performance tinged with sadness, and longing. Soon, the audience is clapping and everything is over. Ugetsu feels at a loss, a gnawing emotion in his chest. He goes to the nearest restroom, and splashes water on his face. Then he hears behind him,

“Your playing tonight, it was poignant... you’re upset... ”

Ugetsu tugs Kenichi closer, and whispers in his ear,  
“Sleep with me tonight.”

Kenichi reaches over, and runs his finger over Ugetsu’s lips, then whispers,

“I’d like to... but your heart needs to mend. Don’t sleep with me to escape your feelings.”

Ugetsu holds the hand and kisses it. Kenichi stares at him for a moment, then straightens his suit and says,

“I’m going to say goodbye to the other musicians.”

Ugetsu returns to the hotel room, and waits. Kenichi comes to the door, and Ugetsu takes off Ken’s jacket, and throws it on the floor. Then he pulls off the other man’s belt. Kenichi backs up against a wall. Ugetsu unbuttons his own shirt, then undoes Ken’s tie.

“We really shouldn’t do this,” protests Kenichi.

“Why not?” inquires Ugetsu, throwing his shirt on the ground.

“My kid…”

“... won’t know.”

“You still love your ex.”

“He moved on, I should too.”

Ugetsu unbuttons Kenichi’s shirt. Kenichi whispers,

“What do I do with you?”

“Top me,” suggests Ugetsu, undoing Kenichi’s pants. Kenichi cradles his face with two hands, and kisses him softly, yet passionately. It feels so good to lose control, to feel Ken’s mouth and hands all over him. He lies on the bed, and enjoys the other body fall into his.

Ugetsu wakes up the next morning, with his head on a warm chest. He examines the sleeping face, enjoying how different it looks without glasses and the hair sticking up. The eyelids blink a bit, and Kenichi says a bit hoarsely,

“Good morning.”

“Morning.”

Kenichi rubs his face, then asks,

“Are you having regrets?”  
Ugetsu frowns, nonplussed at the question.

“No.”

“Mmm, okay.”

“And about last night…”

“Yes?”

“You’re a good lover. You surprised me, kind of… soft and masterful.”

“Soft?”

Ugetsu stretches like cat, then turns his head in with a slight smile says,

“I meant your touch, not anything else…”

Kenichi takes a deep breath, then responds,

“You’re so beautiful naked…” Kenichi tugs on his arm, and says, “Come here.”

Ugetsu gets closer, and Kenichi pulls him down and kisses him.

Monday afternoon they return to Tokyo. Ugetsu walks to his apartment, Kenichi follows in curiosity. Ugetsu opens the door and finds Mafuyu sitting inside, listening to music.

“I gave you a key?” asks Ugetsu.

“Uhuh,” replies Mafuyu. Kenichi comes up behind and says,

“Oh hello. I’m Mori Kenichi. Pleased to meet you.”

Mafuyu responds quietly,

“Sato Mafuyu. Pleased to meet you.”

Ugetsu introduces,

“Mafuyu is the high school singer I told you about…”

Ugetsu looks around the apartment, and announces,

“... and this is my apartment.”

“It’s big and bare,” remarks Kenichi.

“Uhuh,” agrees Mafuyu. Ugetsu shrugs, and asks Mafuyu,

“How are things with the band?”

Mafuyu nods, then says,

“We have a live coming up soon.” He gives a little wave goodbye, then adds, “You both should come.”

Kenichi excuses himself,

“I should get home and unpack. Talk to you later, Ugetsu.”

A few days later, in a hotel room, Ugetsu calls Kenichi,

“Hey... are you in bed?”

“Yes, I was just getting up. How is Prague?”

“Hmm... I played the Dvořák Concert Hall.”

“What happened? You don’t sound happy.”

“My performance was lackluster... and yet, they applauded like it was superb! I expected a more discerning ear from the Czech audience.”

“Maybe there were lots of tourists there...”

“Mm. What about you?”  
“There’s talk about making me First Bassoon.”

“Your orchestra has six bassoons, and three firsts... that would put you in line to become a Principal Bassoon...”

Ugetsu hears Kenichi laugh and inquires,

“Did I say something funny?”

“No, I… I wasn’t expecting you to know details of my orchestra.”

“Oh. I’m checking online, as we speak.”

“I see. Tell me about the Dvořák Hall... How are the acoustics?”

Ugetsu leans back, and tells him about the beautiful hall of the Czech Philharmonic Orchestra.

Saturday night, Ugetsu arrives back at his apartment. He lounges on his bed, undecided as to whether to go see _ Given _ . Then he hears a knock at his door. He opens it and says,

“You look nice. Is that what you wear to go clubbing?”

Kenichi is wearing a white button up shirt and slacks, and responds,

“Too fancy? My closet is full of black suits. I could roll up the sleeves to my shirt… ”

“I like it. Let’s go, I don’t want to miss Mafuyu sing.”

The _ Kool Klub _ is packed with people, _ Given _ has gained a lot of fans. Ugetsu pushes through the crowd, to find a place near the front. Kenichi follows him. The band plays a couple instrumental pieces, and Ugetsu enjoys the feeling of Kenichi’s body pressed against his back. Soon Mafuyu sings about lost love, then sings about letting go. As usual, the music and lyrics stir up Ugetsu’s emotions. The set is over, Ritsuka unplugs his guitar, when Mafuyu comes up to the microphone and says,

“You should tell him how you feel.”

Mafuyu looks at Ugetsu, and sings into the microphone,

“_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner  
Breathing in your dust...” _

The band suddenly realizes Mafuyu is singing another song, Akihiko begins a slow beat to match the song. Ritsuka plugs his guitar back in, recognizing the song. Haruki throws his arms up in dismay, then follows along on bass.

_"Secrets I have held in my heart_  
_Are harder to hide than I thought_  
_Maybe I just wanna be yours_  
_I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours_  
_Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours..._”

Ugetsu listens to the lyrics, stunned. He feels like an emotional bomb, about to explode.

“Mafuyu...” He whispers to himself. “How did you read me...?”

The song ends, the audience applauds loudly, and Ugetsu motions to Kenichi to follow him backstage. A stage worker blocks their path, but Mafuyu signals to let them into the room, where the band members are standing.

“Mori-san this is Ritsuka,” introduces Mafuyu.

“Hey,” says Ritsuka, glaring at Ugetsu. Ugetsu turns to Mafuyu, and says loudly,

“Mafuyu, you magical monkey, you open my heart when you sing... Ritsuka you’ll need to work hard to keep up.”

Ugetsu turns to Haruki,

“Haruki... I’m glad you make Aki happy. But please don’t come to my concerts.”

“Sure...” nervously responds Haruki. Then Ugetsu walks straight to Akihiko and tells him,

“I hate seeing you so happy with your new boyfriend, you were never like that with me!”

“Uh, okay,” replies Akihiko, not sure how to react. There’s a silence. Ugetsu realize he’s shaking, he can’t believe he just said all those things out loud. Then Kenichi blurts out,

“I play the _ fagotto _ .”

Before anybody can react, Yatake comes in and exclaims,

“What was with that extra song? It wasn’t on your set list... your band is so unpredictable!”

Ritsuka turns to Mafuyu and insists,

“Yeah, we don’t do covers. Even cool ones by the Arctic Monkeys!”

“We need a band meeting to discuss what direction we want to go…” begins Haruki. Akihiko responds playfully,

“_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner...” _

Haruki bops him on the head. Ugetsu notices Kenichi is gone. He leaves the room and searches the crowd.

Ugetsu has an urge for a cigarette and goes outside. Akihiko comes out, stares at him for a moment, then suddenly hugs him. He whispers in his ear,

“I’ll always be your friend.”

Akihiko lets go and returns inside. Ugetsu stands there like a statue, overwhelmed by all the emotions. Then he turns, and sees Kenichi squatting off to one side, clenching a pack of cigarettes. Ugetsu sits down on the cement and remarks,

“You don’t smoke.”

“I know.”

“So what are your plans for that pack of cigarettes?”

Kenichi opens his hand, stands up, and puts the unopened pack on the vending machine. He sighs, then removes his glasses and cleans them with a cloth from his pocket.

“Kenichi…”

Kenichi interrupts,

“Please don’t talk about your problems right now. I need… I need a moment.”

“Okay.”

Ugetsu crouches next to him and asks,

“What’s bothering you?”

“I can’t.”

“Ken… just say it.”

There’s a silence. Eventually, Kenichi admits,

“I feel inadequate compared to your friends.”

“My friends? You mean the members of the band?”

Kenichi nods and admits,

“Your ex-boyfriend is an accomplished drummer, as well as a violinist. He’s also super sexy. The others are young, cool, and talented. Me, on the other hand... I’m a goofball with a kid.”

“So? What does it matter?”

“I… I know I’m not your type, and you slept with me to forget your ex… yet, a part of me still thought I had a chance. The delusional part…”

Ugetsu tilts his head to the side, trying to verbalize his feelings. He says quietly,

“Your bassoon playing... it’s steady, mellow, sometimes silly... sensual... I like playing with you.”

“Thanks, I guess,” responds Kenichi. Ugetsu tries again, and ends up saying,

“I wanna be yours.”

“What?”

“I wanna be yours.”

Kenichi stares at Ugetsu. Damn Mafuyu’s stupid song! It’s wiped out his words… Kenichi exhales loudly, asking,

“Was that a confession?”

Ugetsu nods. Then Kenichi holds his head and says,

“Wow. That’s unexpected... I’m a mess... I’m horribly in love with you, but no matter how I feel, I’ll put my kid first...”

“I put music first. But maybe that’s why it’ll work...? I need the freedom to pursue my music...”

A slow smile grows on Kenichi’s face and he replies,

“Ugetsu, just kiss me.”

Ugetsu pulls the glasses off, and kisses him. Then he pulls back, and messes up Kenichi’s hair.

“You look better without that hairstyle,” remarks Ugetsu.

“But it makes you touch me,” adds Kenichi, with a laugh. Then he says more seriously, “I won’t be too nice.”

“Good.”

Ugetsu puts out his hand and says,

“Let’s go to my place before you go home. We’ll play some music.”

“I don’t have my instrument…”

Ugetsu smiles a bit.

“Oh.” Kenichi adds, “Right. You don’t separate love and music.”

Ugetsu points to a poster advertising _ Given _ , and replies,

“Why should I? Didn’t you hear the band? They’re the same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'I Wanna Be Yours' is a cool song by the Arctic Monkeys. I tried to keep this within the storyline of the manga and anime. Chapter 2 was inspired by the Hiiragi kabe-don part with Mafuyu. That scene killed me...  
Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm interested in how my writing made you feel or think, if you'd like to give me feedback!


	8. One Kiss

Yatake Koji comes into the café where Haruki works. Haruki smiles and says,  
“Hey!”  
“Hey.”  
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”  
“Yeah, I’ve been busy with the girlfriend and the band… But I came as soon as I saw.”  
Haruki frowns and asks,  
“Saw what?”  
Yatake pulls out his phone, and shows a candid shot of Aki and Haruki kissing. Not just kissing – they are entwined in a passionate embrace with Aki’s hand cradling his hair… Haruki’s jaw drops and exclaims,  
“We look hot!”  
Yatake rolls his eyes and says,  
“Yeah, but it’s all over social media! Didn’t you lecture Uenoyama and Sato about doing stuff in public?”  
Haruki nods, turning a little pink. Then he admits,  
“It’s just hard to resist Aki. He’s so passionate, and strong... We’d just gotten off his motorcycle, and he was leaving for a few days... I grabbed him and kissed him.”  
“You grabbed him?”  
“Uh... yeah.”  
“Okay. Well whatever, you need to do damage control.”  
Haruki suggests,  
“I could write a post saying I slipped and fell?”  
Yatake shakes his head and replies,  
“Fell into Aki, and his tongue entered your mouth? No one will believe it.”  
Haruki collapses onto the bar and whispers,  
“I don’t know what to do, please help!”  
Yatake stares at the photo for a moment, then declares,  
“I’ll help, but you owe me big time. And you guys have to do everything I say.”  
“Take-chan, thanks! Of course! I’ll beg them on my hands and knees!”

That evening, the bandmembers meet Yatake at a photography studio. They stand around, waiting for Yatake to explain. Haruki doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, especially not Mafuyu. The quiet singer has a odd expression, he’s probably angry. Yatake turns on the lights, prepares his cameras, then announces,  
“We’re taking photos for an ad campaign.”  
Akihiko asks,  
“An ad for what?”  
“I don’t know… a perfume? Those are pretty weird.”  
Ritsuka frowns and growls,  
“Why would we do that?”  
Yatake explains,  
“To explain the photos of these idiots kissing. It was advertising, not real kissing.”  
“What if someone wants to buy this perfume?” demands Ritsuka. Haruki interrupts,  
“I’ll leave the band. I don’t want to ruin the reputation of our high schoolers...”  
“No,” replies Ritsuka. Mafuyu shakes his head. Akihiko adds,  
“We’re musicians. The photo is about a song.”  
Yatake repeats,  
“A song? But that won’t shield you from accusations of being gay.”  
“Bands do controversial songs all the time,” responds Akihiko. Yatake responds,  
“So you’ll sing about what? Boy’s love? Forbidden love?”  
Ritsuka protests,  
“Why would straight guys have a song about that?”  
Akihiko answers,  
“Prison. We write a song about two guys in prison.”  
Haruki holds his head in dismay and whispers,  
“That’s even worse.”  
Mafuyu suddenly pipes up,  
“I know.”  
They all look at Mafuyu. He continues,  
“The song is about remembering one kiss...”  
Then he sings,  
_“It was late at night_  
_And it felt so right_  
_But I never saw him again,_  
_It’ll never happen again._

_One kiss that I’ll always regret_  
_One kiss that I’ll never forget.._.”

Ritsuka grabs a piece of paper from his backpack, and jots down as much as he can from what he heard. Akihiko looks over his shoulder, and says,  
“That’s a F there, and a C flat there.”  
“Okay, let me add some chords…”  
Haruki watches them in shock. These geniuses are going to write a song in five minutes? All to save his ass? The worst part is the song sounds pretty good, especially with the raw pain Mafuyu injects into his singing... Yatake interrupts his thoughts by saying,  
“You guys are incredible – I’m jealous! Anyway, Haru and Akihiko need to put on the same clothes they had in the candid photo.”

They get changed behind the screen, then pose in front of the camera. Haruki presses his lips against Akihiko his cheek, while keeping his distance. Yatake says,  
“You look like a little girl kissing her brother. Do something more passionate.”  
Haruki winces, then sees Akihiko smirking at him. So he puts an arm around Akihiko’s neck, arches his back, and opens his mouth like he’s in the throes of passion. Yatake comments,  
“Uh... Okay… I guess that’s a bit better…”  
Akihiko unbuttons his shirt and shows off his chest. Yatake adds,  
“Now it’s like the cover of a romance novel. It kinda works, I like it…”  
Mafuyu nods. Ritsuka gives Yatake a questioning look, and the photographer adjusts his glasses, a bit embarrassed. Haruki tries a more manly position, but Akihiko busts out laughing. Haruki complains,  
“He’s laughing at me…”  
Yatake turns to Ritsuka and says,  
“All right, your turn. Maybe you can do better.”  
Ritsuka responds,  
“What? What am I supposed to do?”  
“Kiss Mafuyu! The song is about kissing… You guys are specialists in that.”  
Ritsuka backs up and protests,  
“I can’t do that in front of everyone! And I’m in high school…”  
“Oh, right,” replies Yatake. Mafuyu pipes up,  
“I want a picture.”  
Ritsuka gives him a stern look, and says with determination,  
“No way. Don’t even try that sad look on me!”  
Mafuyu nods, and stands next to Akihiko. Then he purses his lips and waits. Akihiko frowns and says,  
“Can I kiss the kid? Is he legal?”  
Haruki lightly slaps his arm and lectures,  
“It doesn’t matter! I’m your boyfriend, you’re not supposed to be kissing guys that aren’t your boyfriend… I mean, you haven’t been kissing other guys... Have you?”  
Akihiko answers with another smirk,  
“No. I have not been kissing other guys.”  
Haruki purses his lips. Is Aki insinuating he’s been kissing girls? Akihiko gets close to him, and whispers in his ear,  
“I’ve only been kissing you. And right now, I’d like to kiss you all over…”  
Oh my. He can’t believe Aki said that in front of the others… Now the image of Aki’s perfect muscled body is stuck in his head... Aki kisses him, and the camera whirs.  
“Perfect! Now you need to record that new song,” Yatake says cheerfully, with a big thumbs up.

Ritsuka hovers by the door, while Mafuyu stands quietly in front of the camera. Yatake gets behind the lens, and directs,  
“Don’t look at me. Take a deep breath, and let it out. Good.”  
Ritsuka waits by the door, and motions to hurry up. Mafuyu gives him an insistent look. Ugh. He just wants to leave, but he stomps over, gives Mafuyu a quick kiss, and stomps back out the door. He can hear Yatake say,  
“I’ll send you a copy. Later!”  
Ritsuka pauses for a moment, then they head over to the recording studio.

At the studio, Haruki immediately apologizes,  
“I’m so sorry, it was stupid of me to kiss in public...”  
Ritsuka interrupts,  
“Let’s do this.”  
They work for hours, figuring out the arrangement. They play the song over and over, and Ritsuka grumbles,  
“Doesn’t feel right...”  
Haruki finally declares,  
“It’s the best we can do right now. It’s 2 AM, we need sleep -- we have school tomorrow.”  
Akihiko adds,  
“Yeah, let’s go. We have to send the audio to Yatake.”

Haruki arrives at his apartment, and slumps on the couch. Akihiko kicks off his boots and says,  
“You’re feeling guilty about the kids?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Come here.”  
Haruki doesn’t move, then Aki grabs him in a bear hug, and pulls him down onto the couch. Haruki sighs. Akihiko asks,  
“What?”  
“Nothing.”  
Haruki feels a kiss on his neck and a hand plunge down his pants.  
“You’re horny.”  
Haruki moans, then protests,  
“I shouldn’t be having sex, it’s what got us in trouble in the first place…”  
Akihiko pins his arms over his head and offers,  
“I can spank you as punishment.”  
Haruki feels his erection push painfully into his pants and admits,  
“You’re just turning me on more…”  
Akihiko laughs.  
“I like that you’re horny a lot. But if you’re feeling too guilty, you can always pleasure me…”  
Akihiko unzips his pants, and reclines. Haruki groans. Why does he have no self-control? He reaches over and frees a large luscious erection. Heavens, how can Aki even have a gorgeous penis? Haruki licks it adoringly, feeling like he’s worshiping at some kind of shrine. He shifts uncomfortably in his pants, then feels relief as his pants are undone and pulled off. Then he gasps as Aki easily lifts his whole backside and sucks on him.

Around 4AM, Haruki goes online, and sees a new post by Yatake: a photo of him and Aki kissing, black and white with some artistic edges. It says One Kiss by Given. Clicking on it plays the first 30 seconds of their song. Oooh my! He texts Yatake,  
_– Will this be enough to defuse scandal?_  
_– No. Saturday, you’re going to a mixer, a goukon._

Meanwhile, Ritsuka walks home, not saying anything. Then he realizes Mafuyu has followed him to his front door. He grumbles,  
“It’s late. Go home.”  
“I… I don’t like leaving when you’re angry at me. I won’t be able to sleep.”  
Ritsuka barks back,  
“I’m not angry at you!”  
Mafuyu stands there frozen, his eyes blinking his distress. Ritsuka opens the front door and orders,  
“C’mon. I’ll sneak you into my room.”  
He kicks off his boots, and tip toes to his room. He sits down on the bed, and tries to figure out why he’s angry. Mafuyu sits down on the floor, holding his knees, waiting silently. Eventually Ritsuka admits,  
“None of this would’ve happened if Haruki hadn’t kissed Aki.”  
“You’re mad at Haruki?”  
“I’m mad that anyone cares who he kisses!”  
Ritsuka opens his arms towards Mafuyu. Mafuyu walks over and nuzzles his neck. He hugs Mafuyu and they lie down. Ritsuka is worried about school tomorrow. How can he protect Mafuyu from getting bullied?

The next morning, they rush over to Mafuyu’s to walk the dog, then run to school. Still, they arrive late. Ritsuka can barely stay awake during class, yet during break he can hear snickers. Kasai comes over and fiddles with her hair. Then she says,  
“Um... I was surprised by the new song, but... it’s good!”  
Itaya comes over and awkwardly says,  
“Yeah. Your gay song didn’t suck.”  
She gives him a warning glance. Itaya shrugs and adds,  
“Anyway, I don’t care. You can still play basketball with us.”  
Ritsuka yawns, then mumbles,  
“M’kay.”  
Ritsuka appreciates what his classmates are trying to do, but he’d rather be left alone. He gets up, and goes in search of Mafuyu.

Ritsuka checks the next classroom, and Mafuyu waves. Ritsuka nods and leaves. He can’t hang around Mafuyu with all the gay rumors. Feeling helpless, he goes to play basketball.

On Saturday night, the bandmembers dress up, and line up at a table in a restaurant. Four girls line up across from them, and introduce themselves.  
“We’re a girl band called The Seasons. I’m Harumi, and this is Natsuko, Chiaki, and Yuki.”  
Haruki nods and says,  
“We used to be the Seasons too. I’m spring, Haruki, Ritsuka is summer, Akihiko is fall, and Mafuyu is winter.”  
Chiaki claps her hand in delight, and declares,  
“We should sit with our season.”  
She smiles warmly at Akihiko, who nods in his cool way. Haruki’s still not used to the attention his boyfriend gets everywhere. Haruki sits across from Harumi, a bored looking blonde. Then Uenoyama says loudly,  
“I’ll sit with Yuki. Yuki-san.”  
Yuki is small and cute, with a bob haircut. Mafuyu sits there with a blank look, and Natsuko reluctantly sits across from him. Chiaki smiles again at Aki and asks,  
“When do we get to hear the new song?”  
“Uh... soon,” responds Akihiko. Chiaki says,  
“It’s very daring! But also kind of exciting…”  
Haruki feels his face turn bright red and says,  
“You saw the teaser ad? I can’t believe we actually did that… Our manager has some pretty outlandish ideas.”  
Chiaki asks,  
“Do you have a girlfriend?”  
Haruki shakes his head and replies truthfully,  
“I was dating the singer in my last band. But she dumped me and left the band. I haven’t had a girlfriend since...”  
Chiaki points towards Akihiko, so Haruki continues,  
“Oh... Akihiko was dating a classical musician for many years, but they finally broke up. Uenoyama, I mean Ritsuka, has never been out with a girl. And Mafuyu…”  
“I have a date with a girl from my high school,” declares Mafuyu. The guys stare at him, and Ritsuka asks,  
“Really…?”  
Mafuyu nods.  
“Girls confess to me often, especially since the live.”  
“Of course, me too, but...” responds Ritsuka, then Haruki exclaims,  
“Why am I the least popular band member? Girls throw themselves at Aki, yet no one even talks to me…”  
Harumi, the girl across from him, comments,  
“Maybe don’t do pics where you’re kissing another guy.”  
Haruki blanches at the criticism, then declares,  
“Oh. Well... we’re not afraid of controversy, our artistic vision is paramount...”  
Akihiko gives him a look of disbelief, then chats with Chiaki.

Ritsuka looks at the girl across from him and wonders what to say. She’s cute and keeps smiling shyly, like she’s pleased. Why is she pleased? Ritsuka hates these kind of mixers. He looks up at the ceiling for a moment, then asks,  
“So… do you play an instrument?”  
“Yes. I play guitar.”  
“Rhythm or lead guitar?”  
“Rhythm.”  
“What kind of guitar do you play? Do you use a pedal?”  
Akihiko interrupts,  
“You’re not interviewing a new bandmember. Ask her where she went to school, about her family or hobbies.”  
“Oh. Where did you go to school?”

Natsuko sits across the way from Mafuyu. The boy is cute, and electric when he sings. But now he’s sitting in front of her like a lump. There’s definitely some weird undercurrent between Mafuyu and Ritsuka, something to do with Yuki. Well, she’s the cutest one. Maybe that’s both their type. She pastes a smile for a moment as Chiaki takes a group pic, then sighs and orders another drink.

Sometime later, the girls from The Seasons walk together to the train station. Chiaki asks,  
“So… what did you think?”  
Harumi answers,  
“Gay.”  
Natsuko answers,  
“Gay.”  
Yuki shrugs and answers,  
“My guy seemed nice, he talked about guitars… ”  
Chiaki interrupts her,  
“Definitely gay. Akihiko likes girls, I’d love to get my hands on him…”  
Yuki continues shyly,  
“Are we going to tell people the Given guys are... maybe not straight?”  
Chiaki responds,  
“Hell no. Take-san is my cousin, if he needs these guys to be straight, we’ll pretend they’re straight. Don’t forget those awesome pics he took for us!”

Haruki opens his front door, and Akihiko steps inside and takes off his motorcycle jacket. Haruki says,  
“I feel bad. Do you think Mafuyu and Uecchi are okay? This new song is a mistake…”  
“Why?”  
“That girl across from me was pretty harsh.”  
“She didn’t like you.”  
“Was that it? Your girl didn’t seem to be bothered by you kissing me...” Haruki puts his hands on his hip, then declares, “It’s not fair! No one blames you for any of this.”  
Akihiko laughs, then replies in a serious tone,  
“Haru, this song is important for the kids. Mafuyu is gay, not bi like us. He doesn’t have the choice to date girls, and pass as straight.”  
“How does this help him?”  
“It’s sort of like coming out, but not completely. Plus it helps to come out as a member of a cool band, not as some dorky teen.”  
“Why did Mafuyu say he was dating a girl?”  
“Probably to discourage the Seasons girl from asking him out.”  
Haruki puts his arms around Aki’s neck.  
“You’re right. I hadn’t thought of any of that. I can’t believe my boyfriend is so smart, and so sexy...”

After the mixer, Ritsuka walks back with Mafuyu. He takes a deep breath to stay calm, then asks,  
“You have a date with a girl?”  
“Uhuh.”  
“From our high school?”  
“Uhuh.”  
“To do what?”  
“She wants to buy a guitar.”  
“And she asked you? You’re just a newbie!”  
“I play okay now.”  
Ritsuka frowns, realizing he’s been criticizing Mafuyu less and less in the studio.  
“I guess you’ve been getting better.”  
“She’s in the light music club. She sees me carrying a guitar all the time.”  
“How’s it going at school?”  
“Mmm.”  
Ritsuka stops walking, looks him straight in the eye and demands,  
“Are you getting bullied at school?”  
Mafuyu shrugs.  
“You gotta tell me!”  
“Nah’uh.”  
“You’re not going to tell me?”  
Mafuyu gives him wide puppy eyes and replies,  
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”  
“I’d rather get punched than… than... spending all my time worried about you!”  
“If it gets bad, I’ll tell Aki-san.”  
Akihiko? Like Ritsuka can’t protect his own boyfriend? He kicks the pavement and pouts the rest of the way to Mafuyu’s apartment.

The next day, Ritsuka doesn’t see Mafuyu at school. He sends him a text, and waits. Nothing. Ritsuka goes to his boyfriend’s apartment after school, and Mafuyu’s mother greets him in surprise.  
“Hello! I thought Mafuyu was over at your house?”  
“Oh hello. You saw him this morning?”  
“Yes, before he went to school.”  
“I must’ve misunderstood. He’s probably waiting at my place.”  
Ritsuka returns to his own place, but no one’s there. Then he checks the music store, and a few other places, then the rehearsal studios. Mafuyu is nowhere to be found. He returns home, and restlessly checks his phone.


	9. A Love Song

Ugetsu arrives home late, loosens up his formal tie, and throws off his tuxedo jacket. Not a great performance, but not a bad one. He opens his fridge, and stares at one bottle of soy sauce and an old take-out container of who knows what. Then he hears a sound. He grabs a bottle of wine like a club, and goes to investigate.

There’s a form sitting in a corner, sniffling and crying. Ugetsu says,

“You should’ve said something. I almost hit you with a wine bottle, and wasted a good vintage.”

“Uhuh,” sniffs Mafuyu. Ugetsu sits down, crosses his leg, and lights a cigarette. He blows the smoke, then says,

“You’re upset. I’m not good with these kind of things.”

Mafuyu nods and whispers,

“I watered your plant.”

Ugetsu observes the large apartment with concrete walls that looks the same as ever, except for one potted plant in the corner, and a photo of Ugetsu and his bassoonist boyfriend.

“Ken calls it decorating. I view it as a way to show possession.”

Mafuyu nods. Ugetsu takes another puff, then asks,

“So… what happened…”

“We went to a mixer. There was a girl… she liked my boyfriend. When you were with Akihiko, were you worried about him leaving you for a woman?”

“Not really. His twisted soul ensured he’d keep coming back.”

“My boyfriend isn’t twisted. He’s sweet and pure.”

“Ah, the allure of women... it’s the safety, acceptance, children and family…”

Mafuyu starts to cry again. Ugetsu continues matter-of-factly,

“You have a few good years before that pressure becomes intense. Right now, you can offer him more than a girl: lots of sex, no pregnancy.”

Ugetsu’s phone rings and he answers,

“I won’t be coming over. I’m dealing with a teen crisis.”

“Sato-san? Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m useless in caring for others.”

“But you understand pain. Just resonate with him a bit.”

“Ugh, you should be here instead of me. You’re all warm and fuzzy…”

“Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow. And Ugetsu…”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

“I’m not making declarations on the phone, I’ll show you how I feel later. Good night, Ken.”

Ugetsu hangs up and asks Mafuyu,

“So… what’s your plan?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Your boyfriend, he loves you, right? You can offer him more than most people: your talent. I’ve seen you perform, you have charisma. Turn that on him, and he won’t be able to leave you.”

“I should… sing to him?”

“Write him a love song. Not the heartbreak kind, something of… that happy feeling, like your heartstrings are humming… ”

Ugetsu glances at the photo of him and the bassoonist. Ugh, his boyfriend is rubbing off on him. Mafuyu says quietly,

“I’m so bad at expressing myself… It’s not that I don’t love Ritsuka, but the feelings are hard to get out…”

“Use chords in a major key, be honest with your emotions. He understands music, he’ll get it.”

Ritsuka calls Mafuyu again, and it goes straight to voicemail. The long list of attempted calls definitely makes him seem desperate. Then he puts on his coat again, and walks to a brightly lit house. He rings the doorbell. A middle age woman answers the door,

“May I help you…?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, ma’am. I’m looking for my friend, Mafuyu Sato. He’s friends with your son…”

A bleach blonde head appears beside her and says,

“Mafuyu isn’t here.”

Hiiragi tells his mother,

“Can you give us a moment, mom?”

The mother leaves, and Hiiragi asks,

“How long has he been missing?”

“His mother saw him this morning, but he didn’t show up at school.”

“Crap. I can’t believe his mom forgot. Today was the day Yuki was found dead.”

Ritsuka feels like he’s taken an arrow to his chest. He manages to ask,

“Wh... what happened?”

“Yuki and Mafuyu had a fight, Yuki got drunk and committed suicide. Mafuyu found him.”

Ritsuka clenches his fists, feeling helpless. He knew Mafuyu had been through something bad, but he had no idea it was this bad.

“Uh... Thanks for telling me. If you see him, let me know. I really need to know.”

Ritsuka turns around and leaves, then he hears,

“Yo, at least give me your number.”

Ritsuka turns back around, and they sync their phones. Then Hiiragi says,

“Later.”

Ritsuka watches Mafuyu’s place til around dawn, then returns home.

The next day, Mafuyu arrives at school like nothing happened. Ritsuka breathes a sigh of relief. At lunch, he waits at their usual stairwell location, but Mafuyu doesn’t show up. After his last class, he hurries over to the neighboring class and says,

“Wanna walk home together?”

Mafuyu doesn't make eye contact and replies,

“Can’t. I already have a date.”

“Okay.”

Ritsuka wants to say more, but everyone is staring at them. So he nods his head, and leaves.

On Friday, Mafuyu suddenly shows up after school and says,

“My place?”

Ritsuka nods, and follows him.

Mafuyu opens the door, and the little puffball Pomeranian spins around excitedly, then sits next to Ritsuka. Ritsuka grabs the leash, clips it on, and the dog licks him affectionately. Then he takes the dog out without waiting for Mafuyu. When they arrive back, Ritsuka kicks off his shoes, and gets a dog cookie. Mafuyu whispers,

“Kedama has you trained.”

“What?” Ritsuka says irritably. Mafuyu says more loudly,

“You’re the one who said I should join the light music club.”

“That was ages ago. I’m not upset about your date.”

In the bedroom, Mafuyu continues to stare at him. Ritsuka adds,

“You said… You said the next song would be about me. But the new kiss song... it’s about Yuki...”

Mafuyu shakes his head, then says quietly,

“No. It’s about you.”

“That doesn’t make sense. The lyric says ‘_But I never saw him again.’”_

“Poetic license. It’s about if I’d never seen you again, after our first kiss.”

“The first time I kissed you?”

“Uhuh.”

Ritsuka feels stupid. He’s still jealous about a dead guy, while Mafuyu is hurting...

“Oh... at our first live concert?”

Mafuyu nods. Ritsuka tries to remember that moment, it’s always a bit hazy… Wait, the song is about him! It feels like fireworks are going off in his chest… He reaches over to kiss Mafuyu, then stops. He rifles through the music collection, looking at disc after disc.

“Rikka...”

Ritsuka pulls out a CD, and puts it into a player.

“Rikka...”

“Just a sec. I wanna cover any noise we make.”

A pounding beat comes on, and Ritsuka takes a deep breath. It’s exactly what he needs, a rhythm, a musical lead as to what to do… He turns and sees a cute naked bottom. He stares for a moment, then realizes the bottom is attached to a naked body. He undresses in record time, and hugs Mafuyu from behind. He quickly puts on some lube, then rubs his erection between Mafuyu’s leg. Then they join together, he can hear Mafuyu make these little moaning sounds… He tries to hold back, waiting for Mafuyu to get close… Mafuyu’s throws his head back, and he goes faster and lets go. Afterwards, Mafuyu snuggles into his shoulder, and holds his hand. It’s almost better than the sex. Almost. Ritsuka checks,

“Good?”

“Uhuh.”

“That’s it! It’s too fast, we need to adjust the tempo...”

“Uhuh.”

“No, I mean the new song is too fast... Am I going too fast during sex?”

“Mmm...”

“Now you tell me?! But you said you wanted high-intensity,” Ritsuka points to the music collection, and orders, “Pick a song. I’ll figure it out from there.”

Mafuyu snuggles in closer. Ritsuka gives him a quick kiss on the nose.

“You’re not gonna pick a song?”

Mafuyu puts his finger on Ritsuka’s chest, then whispers,

“_I Wanna Be Yours._”

Instantly, Ritsuka can hear the guitar intro in his head, and a slow thumping beat. Mafuyu’s right, there’s no need to play the song out loud.

“Okay. This time, I’m only focused on you.”

Ritsuka puts him in his mouth and sucks. It’s a turn on, watching Mafuyu close his eyes and moan. Then, he gets really quiet and grabs the sheets. Ritsuka, cleans up with a tissue, then gives Mafuyu a quick kiss and asks,

“You okay, baby?”

Mafuyu stares at him, and Ritsuka feels his face burn a bit, then replies,

“Oh. Not cool?”

“Say it again.”

“Um... are you okay, baby?”

“Mmm.”

“C’mon, tell me if the pet name works, don’t leave me hanging!”

“The sweet stuff is good. Maybe also try some dirty talk.”

“Wait what? I’m barely comfortable with… with this stuff.”

Mafuyu tilts his head, and offers,

“If you give it a try, I’ll do that position you like.”

Ritsuka gulps, then asks,

“Right now?”

“Uhuh.”

He kisses Mafuyu. Mafuyu hooks his arms around Ritsuka’s neck, and waits.

“Thanks for the song.”

“Mm.”

“I want... your body… you smell good...”

It’s not much in terms of dirty talk. But Mafuyu wraps his legs around his waist. It feels so good, and much more intimate than before.

“I… I love ya, baby.”

Mafuyu gives him a little smile, which makes his heart flip-flop.

“Rikka, ride me again.”

The next evening, the band re-records _One Kiss_ song. Ritsuka does an amazing guitar solo after the chorus. Sweating, he leaves to buy a drink. Haruki asks,

“What’s up with Uecchi?”

“Yeah, he’s on fire!” adds Akihiko.

“Lots of sex,” answers Mafuyu. Akihiko grins and says,

“Aaah, our boy’s growing up.”

Ritsuka returns, sits down, and takes a sip of his drink. Akihiko and Haruki sit down as well, while Mafuyu gets behind the mic. Ritsuka asks,

“What’s going on?”

“I want to sing you a song,” Mafuyu explains quietly.

Ritsuka sits there, and Mafuyu sings. It’s like the first time, sitting in the stairwell. He has no sense of the lyrics, or even the melody. But he can feel it. The emotions, like a glow, reverberating from Mafuyu. He remembers Mafuyu’s little smile, his adoration at being taught the guitar, and the evil smile that sometimes happens during sex… Finally he can’t stand it anymore, and hides his face in his hands. Then there’s a long silence, and he hears Mafuyu say,

“You didn’t like it?”

Ritsuka grunts. Haruki interjects,

“Uecchi loved it, we all did! I’m so happy – I’m crying! And…”

“Haru, we’re leaving.”

Haruki turns to Akihiko and says,

“Huh? Oh... uh right, we’ll see you guys later. Don’t forget to write down the lyrics, and the melody, we’ll have a whole new set soon…”

Akihiko grabs Haruki’s arm and pulls him out of the studio. Mafuyu stands behind the mic, not knowing what to do. Ritsuka suddenly stands up and hugs Mafuyu tightly.

On the other side of the door, Akihiko says,

“C’mon Haru, stop spying on them.”

“They’re just so cute…”

“They’re more than that. This might blow up.”

“How?”

“Our band might become more popular than I ever dreamed.”

Haruki glances back inside the studio, then asks,

“Really? Can we handle that?”

Akihiko strokes his cheek and says,

“If we stick together. You’re our heart, my love.”

Haruki freezes, then whispers,

“We’ll manage! Let’s hurry home, before I kiss you again, and we have to write several more songs...”

“Yeah... _One Grope_, _Two Kisses_, and _Oops I Just Fondled You_...”

“No, it's called… _One Look And You Grabbed My Heart_.”

Akihiko smiles, then tugs him down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some additional slice of life that went streaking through my brain after I rewatched Given, again… 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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